I Want My Dog To Be “Happy”

00:00 — Kati Peppe introduces happiness as the episode’s focus on Off Leash and Unfiltered.

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered. Trigger warning. I'm Kati Peppe, delivering the truth in dog training.

Hey guys, Kati Peppe. Welcome back to Off Leash and Unfiltered. Today we're talking about happiness. Sounds great, doesn't it? <laugh> Um, so I have so much to say on this topic. I'm gonna try my damnedest not to just ramble on for hours, <laugh>, but I'm also gonna try not to just like philosophize about happiness, especially from a human aspect. Um, but they're deeply related. So, um, you know, this might be hopefully somewhat thought-provoking, um, for you, regarding your dog, of course, but maybe even for your own life. So I just, you hear, you know, just trying to be happy or that, you know, someone's goal for life is to just be happy or that's all they want is to be happy.

And I feel like we, we hear that a lot and it just strikes me that most of the time when people say that, they're not very happy <laugh>. So, or they're not being very honest. Um, so there's a reason for that, and I really believe that the reason for that is because anything that's really worth doing, anything that's really worth fighting for, achieving, accomplishing is work. And work means it's going to be hard sometimes.

You're not gonna be happy all the time, not every day. And certainly not every moment of every day is going to be cupcakes and rainbows. There's going to be ups and downs. It's going to be hard. You're gonna have to do things you don't wanna do. That's work. But without that, there really is no meaning. There is no purpose. There is no reason for being. What are we here for? What are we doing? Everybody's gotta have things that are important to them. And I'm not talking about a nine-to-five when I say work. It might be a nine-to-five, or it might be your own business that you're trying to build, or it might be that you're raising children.

03:00 — Kati connects fulfillment with goals, discipline, expectations, achievement, and working through failure.

It could be any number of things. But we all need to have things that are important. We need to have goals, we need to have discipline, we need to have expectations. We need to experience achievement, fulfillment, victory, along with, of course, the flip side of that, which is failure and doing things that are difficult, blood, sweat, and tears, you know. But if nothing else, at least having order, I think would be the bottom tier of that. Having a direction, a roadmap, so to speak,

Right? You can't raise kids without that. I'm sure some of you have seen what that looks like when people do, right? No rules, no structure, no boundaries, no roadmap to get from point A to point B. Doesn't go well, right? You won't get to point B, you'll be off in the Indian Ocean, lost at sea, because there have to be hard boundaries to stay on course. Without that, you're just kind of floating in this magnificent sea of nothingness. Everything's meaningless. There's no valuable information coming in that tells us, you know, good or bad. Right or wrong.

True, not true. And so you get way off course. One day isn't differentiated from the next. Maybe there's no deadlines, there's no routines, there's no duties, there's no standards. Where does that person end up? Where does your dog end up? If your only concern is your dog's happiness, you probably won't get it. That's my opinion. You might get what looks like happiness, or you might get it sometimes on the short term. I'm not saying that, you know, if someone is too worried about their dog's happiness, that their dog is never happy, but happiness is very rarely born of actually pursuing happiness.

Specifically, happiness comes from achievement, fulfillment, purpose.

So we need that on a different level than our dogs. I think that's obvious. But our dogs operate in much the same way. So just because they don't have the same conscious thought process, the same depth of, you know, reasoning and understanding that we do, we still see the same exact thing happen. So a dog that just kind of gets up in the morning and does whatever it wants to do all day, becomes frantic whenever it wants to become frantic, overexcited whenever it wants to be overexcited, stays busy, constantly chewing, barking, whatever the case may be, right?

06:00 — Dogs that pull and appear excited may actually be stressed and unable to control…

And they're never, they're pulling their owner all over the place. They're ahead of them all on the walk. They're, you know, smelling everything, 'cause you know, these things make them happy.

A lot of these dogs are actually pretty uncomfortable. They're pretty stressed out. They are helpless to control their impulses, right? They don't know how to do it. So they just kind of become a victim of their arousal. They just, they don't know how to do anything else. Um, some of them develop terrible separation anxiety. Some of them develop terrible reactivity. Um, you know, some of them eat the walls when their owners leave the house. Some of them freak out when they see a stranger, right? A lot of them bite, use their teeth. So I'm not saying that owners cause all of those things to happen, but what I am saying is that in a very large percentage of cases where dogs have these sorts of problems, not that the problems were caused by living this way, but that the, the problems were allowed to blossom and take root because of living this way.

So I'm a firm believer in genetics. I think genetics plays a huge role. It determines your dog's propensity toward these things. But genetics determine the propensity and the environment allows it to blossom, okay? The environment is what actually opens the door. So the way you live with your dog day in and day out is what determines whether or not those propensities actually become a problem. And again, that's not a hundred percent either, but that is most often the case. So usually if I meet someone who's dealing with a lot of problems with their dog, 90% of those problems could have been avoided by giving their dog order.

Just, just wouldn't have happened, wouldn't have happened.

The way way we achieve happiness and our dogs achieve happiness is a result of discipline and goals. Achievement, fulfillment, not indulgence. So what are the things that you can do at home? All that being said, it's like, okay, Kati, that's great. Um, I need order, my dog needs order, discipline, work, all these things. But what do we do? So what does that look like? How do we implement that? And it's like, well, you're asking a dog trainer, right? <laugh>. So if you ask me, I'm gonna tell you to like, go out, get a trainer, get a formal training program, and work with your dog all the time.

And, and that sounds great, and I do recommend that. But if you can't or if you won't, you know, for whatever reason, maybe you can't afford it right now, or you don't have a ton of time right now, or maybe you're scared of it or whatever the the case may be, there are things you can start doing. So start doing some things.

Start eliminating the, we just get up in the morning and do whatever, and our whole day is meaningless. Like, even if it's not that way for you, stop making it that way for your dog where it's like, oh, guess what you have to do today? Nothing. Do whatever you want. And there are no rules. There are no boundaries, there are no expectations, there is no work there. I'm not gonna ask you to do anything hard. So then there's no opportunity for me to be proud of you. I'm not gonna ask you to do anything difficult.

10:00 — Kati argues that avoiding uncomfortable tasks denies dogs opportunities to learn skills and build…

So you're not gonna get to experience being successful, learning a new skill.

I'm not gonna ask you to do anything uncomfortable. So then you don't get the opportunity to build the confidence to do that thing, to walk by the thing you were scared of, to get in the car that you're extremely anxious about. I'm not gonna ask you to do any of that. I'm not gonna require any of that. So, but that is kind of what it looks like, right? So those are, those are things you can do. The first thing you can do is just have some rules. I don't even care what they are. Just have some, okay?

That's number one. Have some rules. So decide what your rules are gonna be. Maybe you start with one rule, maybe you have a handful, I don't care. But instate some rules. Now rules mean this is something you are not allowed to do, right? Or this is something I expect you to do, either way.

But if we're talking about obedience, that might require a little more training. If you're expecting your dog to do something that is a little more difficult, expecting your dog not to do something is actually usually quite easy. So maybe you, you're gonna instate three rules, okay? You're gonna say, all right, the dog does not get onto the couch without permission. The dog is not allowed to jump on people, and the dog is not allowed to free roam overnight or when I'm not home. So these are pretty basic simple rules that anybody can do at any time.

And then all you have to do is stick to them, right? So the roaming one is easy. Just use a kennel, use a kennel overnight and when you're gone, so your dog is no longer just roaming around doing whatever they want, being the head honcho in the house, looking for things to get into, looking for things to stay busy, looking for reasons to be anxious. But even if they just lay down and they're pretty good when you're gone, do it anyway. And that's what dogs should be doing, by the way, when you're gone, is they should just be laying down, sleeping.

So what's the difference? Where do they do it? Put 'em in their kennel.

Okay? So that's an easy one anybody can do. Jumping on the couch, easy. Your dog jumps on the couch, you say no, then you provide a consequence and you take the dog off the couch, guide them off with a leash, pull their collar, whatever works. Okay? What's the consequence? I don't care. Whatever works. So usually a bonker, unless you have an e-collar, then an e-collar correction, or your dog could drag a leash, okay? In which case, uh, it would be preferable that you have it attached to a prong collar so that you can actually give them, uh, a leash pop that would mean something to them.

Okay? So a nice snappy leash pop. But say no first, provide your dog with a correction. Take them off the couch. If they keep getting back up on the couch, then they're telling you that your correction is ridiculous.

Okay? So if you provide them with a meaningful correction, they will not continue to do that. You might have to do it two or three times for them to get it, but you shouldn't have to keep doing it. Okay? And then that's it. You do that forever, right? And, but the thing is, you shouldn't really have to because your dog will stop doing that thing and you won't have to correct them anymore. All right? So that behavior should go away, and then you can still teach them that if you invite them up, it's okay, but they can't choose to get up there on their own if that's the way you wanna do it.

Or you can just not allow them on the furniture at all. And that's fine too, but it's a rule, right? It's like, okay, this new rule, you're not allowed to get on the furniture, uh, just because you feel like it. What else could you do? Well, we talked about no jumping, same exact protocols, guys: provide a consequence for jumping. Okay? You're gonna notice that these are heavily correction-oriented things. And, and that's the point. That's the point. Without a downside

to anything ever, what are we even doing? Like, what even is the point? It is so important for you to have a downside to things, a negative, to contrast the positive, and to understand how consequences in reality are tied to your behavior so that you can become the very best version of yourself. And your dog needs that desperately, and they're not getting it from most people. It's so important to know how to navigate through the world and make the best decisions possible for the best outcome possible. And that's how you feel the best possible. For instance, I know how my decision-making impacts my consequences in such ways as I know I shouldn't eat Burger King every night for dinner.

That's going to have negative consequences that are not going to serve me well. It's also easy for me to know that I shouldn't do things like lie to my spouse. I shouldn't do things like let down my daughter, right? Break a promise that I made to my daughter. I shouldn't do things like talk badly behind people's backs. So here's the thing, knowing that there are intolerable consequences for those things prevents me from doing them, and then I end up much happier, right? So that's on a different level than our dogs operate. But it's the same exact principle.

So the more

understanding you have of the consequences of your behavior, the more you understand that relationship and how that really does pan out, the happier you are, the better decisions you make, the more proud you can be, the more you will achieve, the more meaningful your relationships will be, right? And again, more on a human level there than a dog level. But the same thing, it's just a different scale. It's really easy for me to know that I probably shouldn't scream and yell profanity in a crowded place, okay? I have clear expectations and standards set for me in the society.

17:00 — Kati argues that dogs need clear standards and negative consequences alongside positive feedback.

I know what is and isn't allowed, what is and isn't expected. Okay? So your dog needs the same. And if you try to do that, if you try to accomplish that without using any kind of negative consequences, then you're missing the point. There has to be standards. Just like you can't appreciate the sun without rain, you can't appreciate success without failure. You can't appreciate doing the right thing and getting positive feedback without doing the wrong thing and getting negative feedback. Your dog needs that from you in order for them to know this is the path, this feels good.

Wow, I did it.

And for them to know this is what I do every day and I no longer have to worry about everything because I have these things laid out for me. And the more rules you have, the more clear the purpose becomes, the more clear the daily plan becomes, the more clear the expectations become, the more successful your dog can feel, the more positive feedback you can give them, right? And in essence, right? And again, this is a dog, not a human. But in essence, the more they can achieve, they can't achieve anything if you don't set any standards, okay?

You are frankly treating your dog like garbage if you don't set standards for them. So I mean, either you don't think they're capable of it, so you think your dog is dumb <laugh>, okay? Or it's all about you. And you wanna feel good by seeing Fluffy feel good all the time. And the way Fluffy feels good all the time is to just do whatever she wants and be frantic. And even if that means she's anxious, even if that means she's bothering other people, even if that means that it's detrimental to her state of mind, it doesn't matter,

20:00 — Kati recommends making household rules and commands the dog already knows non-negotiable.

right? Because you get to feel warm and fuzzy. <laugh> So set rules, okay? That's number one. Set some rules. Make those rules non-negotiable. Okay? Number three, if your dog knows commands, I shouldn't say number three, we'll say number two, 'cause your rules should be non-negotiable. Number two, if your dog knows any commands, make those non-negotiable as well. Now, keep this one within reason, because if you haven't done a formal training program, you might not be able to take this to the level that we like to take this to normally. But the least you can do is if you say, "Sit," to Fluffy, make Fluffy sit, don't let her get away with not sitting.

Okay? So at least pretend to mean what you're asking for. All right? If you ask them to lay down, they should lay down, right? If they don't know how to do it, then you need to spend time on that.

But if your dog knows something and you ask for it, for the love of God, follow through <laugh>. Okay? Actually, I guess that was number three because we talked about the kennel as well. So kennel time when you're gone and when you're sleeping, have some rules and stick to them. Provide consequences for breaking them. Follow through with things you ask your dog to do. Okay? How you follow through will depend on their understanding and what they've done for practice, what kind of rehearsal they've had, but follow through nonetheless. And here's the last one, number four, it's like I recommend to everyone: fix your walk.

Like if there's one thing you go after, unless you're one of those people that just doesn't walk your dog at all, in which case you might be missing out on something. 'Cause the walk is just a great bonding opportunity, but not if it, if it goes poorly.

So a bad walk is bad for your relationship, man. Bad news bears. So fix your walk. It's not hard. I know that's easy for me to say, but dude, there's so much material out there now on how to fix your walk. There's really just no excuse for not doing it. Do it. It will do so much for your relationship with your dog. Yeah, some dogs are, are more difficult than others and you might need some help. But most dogs, it's pretty easy, right? So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say like 80% of dogs, I think most owners, if they just had the information, could just fix it that day.

It's not hard. Get a prong collar, do some research, properly size it to your dog. It should be snug. Learn how to handle your leash and just don't let your dog pull.

You walk with a nice short leash, but loose. Do not let your dog pull. You learn how to give a leash correction for pulling. That's really all there is to it, guys, is, you gotta learn how to give a leash correction for pulling, and your dog will stop pulling you. And guess what? Now you get to walk together, right? Instead of your dog is just on their own walk and you're like dragging around behind them, just kind of like watching them do their own thing and they're sniffing everything and marking everything and you know, weaving back and forth and tripping you up and maybe barking at people.

It's like, no, learn how to, all you have to do is learn how to handle your leash and walk with a nice short leash and tell your dog not to pull you. And that's it. And now you have this amazing thing where you go out and you walk alongside your dog and it's like prime bonding time. There's nothing better than a nice, like silent, sunset walk with your dog. Just peace and quiet in the outdoors with your dog where you're walking together, like as a unit. It's awesome. Uh, and I think it does a lot for the relationship.

24:00 — Kati closes by urging owners to replace chasing happiness with clear direction and opportunities…

So even if you just do the first three, I think that's gonna be huge for a lot of people. But if you can fix your walk too, man, you're gonna be so happy you did.

But to close this off, I just wanna recap that. It's like stop chasing the happiness, stop thinking about everything from the perspective of, my dog needs to be happy, because I really don't think that leads to happiness. I really don't. I'm not saying there's no happiness in it ever. But overall, if you want your dog to be happy, set them up to be happy by providing them with clear direction. Teach them to do hard things so that they can be successful. Teach them what the wrong thing is to do so that they stay on track and they reach the goals you've set for them, and they get to places they would never get if you didn't set those hard boundaries.

Ships don't get from point A to point B making all the wrong turns. This is not gonna get there. So that's it for today, guys. I hope, uh, you can take some of these pointers, uh, tips, suggestions, and kind of put them into effect in real life from day to day. And I appreciate you listening. Feel free to ask for specific topics that you wanna see covered, um, here covered. And uh, I hope everybody has tremendous success in the meantime. And I'll see you next time.