Happy Dog Or Drunken Frat Boy?

00:00 — Kati Peppe asks why dogs ignore owners despite receiving care, affection, treats, and rewards.

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered. Trigger warning. I'm Kati Peppe delivering the truth in dog training.

Have you ever wondered why sometimes it's so difficult to get your dog to listen to you? You do all these things for them. You bring them places, you feed them, you water them, you provide them medical care, you love them, you give them treats, you try to reward everything you like, and yet you still just can't get your dog to listen to you. Well, that's what we're here for, <laugh>, and that's what we're gonna talk about today. Uh, my name's Kati Peppe. I own Diamond K9 Dog Training in Biddeford, Maine. We specialize in e-collar training for off-leash obedience and behavior modification.

Um, everything from simple stuff, jumping, getting into the garbage, digging holes, barking to more complicated stuff, more serious stuff, leash reactivity, aggression, resource guarding, separation issues, all that stuff. We do it all. Um, and we do puppy training too. That's who we are and what we do.

And I've been thinking a lot about the difference between happiness and arousal and how one of the biggest problems that we face, because the hardest part of our job, guys, is, is the humans. Um, and that's nothing against humans. I love humans. <laugh>, not all of them <laugh>, but in general, um, training the dogs is easy, not because they're all the same. They're actually all very, very different. And thank God, 'cause we'd be super bored otherwise. But dogs are very simple and very honest, right? They don't, we're not dealing with their emotions, their guilt. We're not dealing with any of that with the dog.

It's very, very simple. We know if they are motivated enough to do something, they will do it. If they are motivated enough to stop doing something, they will stop doing it. And so it is our job to figure out how to do that with each individual dog. And that's where things vary a lot and looks different from dog to dog. Um, and then of course, it's important for us to use the right sequence to tie that motivational thing to the behavior so that we can, uh, achieve our goals.

Um, it's the human that's a little more complicated, uh, right? Because we're dealing with an animal that has a much broader cognitive ability. And some humans tend to make very, very emotionally driven decisions, which, by the way, is not good, right? I'm not saying ignore your emotions. They, they play a role, a very functional role. Um, but if you're just making decisions based on your emotions, that's not usually gonna pan out great <laugh>. So we have to make very calculated decisions based on evidence and history and what we see with our own eyes and, you know, all these things because your feelings will lie to you sometimes, right?

And that's their job. So, um, that's one of our biggest challenges as dog trainers is helping people overcome all that stuff to reach their goal.

04:00 — Peppe examines how prioritizing a dog’s happy appearance can conflict with safe, reliable behavior.

And here is just one very specific thing that ties into this challenge. It is a dog that looks happy versus a dog that does not look happy. So right away, like, you know, right? If we're talking about somebody, 'cause everybody loves their dog, of course, everybody wants their dog to be happy. Guys, I have never met a person who didn't want their dog to be happy. Never. Um, and we want your dog to be happy too. However, if we put that at the top of our priority list, right? We can only have one thing at the top of the priority list.

And so if we put dog's happiness <laugh>, just picture a whiteboard, right? With a little column here and you get your marker. And at the top is like dog's happiness. That's our number one priority. Um, that means everything else not only takes a back seat to the dog's happiness, but who judges if the dog's happy, right? So you have certain things that your brain is kind of wired to look for, to gauge happiness. And they are wrong <laugh>, they are wrong. So for instance, you have a dog who is, right, picture your dog happy. What do you picture?

This will help.

This will help you kind of determine where you fall on the spectrum. Like you might catch yourself making some of these mistakes if you just think for a second about, well, what do I picture when I picture my dog happy? So for most people, or for a lot of people, when they picture their dog happy, they're picturing their dog, number one, running around. Number two, big eyes, number three, ears up. Number four, tail up. Um, number five, actually acting kind of distractible, right? Kind of hopping around, looking around happy, checking everything out, right? That's quote unquote happy.

But what that really is, is aroused. That's it. It doesn't mean happy or unhappy, it means aroused. So that what I described is not a happy dog necessarily. It could be, but it's an aroused dog. So if you conflate those two, man, you could really struggle a lot, right? Because it's like you can't possibly achieve the goal of having a dog that is really safe and reliable and listens well, particularly around distractions, right? And quote unquote triggers. Um, if you insist on having them in that state of arousal, right? So you have two competing goals and you don't even know it.

07:00 — A mellow dog bred for service work introduces a case study about stealing and…

I had a person once and I actually still see them quite regularly. <laugh> We won't go there. I had a person once who trained their dog here. Um, the dog was actually bred to be a service dog and was quite mellow, uh, and well behaved. But she had a problem with the dog chewing things in the house, like stealing socks and stuff. Um, and so, I mean, that's the easiest fix in the world, guys. Like, there just isn't, you couldn't ask me an easier question than how to stop it. You don't even need a lesson with me on how to stop that.

I can just tell you how to stop that and you can stop it right now. <laugh>

Very, very easy, right? If you've been listening to me for any length of time, you probably know that. So I gave her the instructions and I will share them with you happily. Um, which was put an e-collar on your dog, which of course we did at the beginning of her program 'cause she was doing a program. Uh, the second your dog goes to steal the socks or whatever it is that they're going to chew, you will say no. And then you will follow that no with an intolerable correction on your e-collar, most likely, right? Because that's the point in the e-collar is it's very easy, practical.

Um, and we have the whole spectrum of corrections available to us. So if you have a sensitive dog, maybe it's a 20. If you, if you have a really insensitive dog, maybe it's a hundred, right?

Maybe it's somewhere in the middle, I don't know. But it has to be high. Um, and you don't want to use the lowest possible number 'cause you're just gonna screw yourself if you do that. So it needs to be an intolerable consequence. Um, but you mark the behavior with a no. Then you provide the consequence, easy peasy, lemon squeezy, like just does not get easier than that. Um, the second piece though, I will say, is do not give your dog any freedom where you're not watching, not for a while, right? You wanna put them in that situation a number of times and see them make a different decision before you just trust them.

You can't just assume that one correction is gonna fix it. And so, 'cause dogs, sometimes they need to see a pattern, they need some reps. So if your dog goes back to it when you're not looking and gets away with it, you've now kind of set yourself back a little because you've created the wrong pattern.

Your dog needs to believe that every time they do that behavior, there will be an intolerable consequence and then that behavior is eliminated, goes away. Um, super easy. And her dog was an easy dog. So she, she corrected the dog for this behavior and it stopped doing it. You would think that would be a good thing, right? But here's the thing, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't a good thing. Um, and it's funny because we, we see this phenomenon sometimes where somebody will have a problem with their dog that they want us to fix, and then when we fix it, they're unhappy about it <laugh>.

And the reason they're unhappy about it is because doing that behavior made their dog aroused. And they actually liked that. They liked seeing their dog in that state of arousal because they considered that happy. And so then we were the bad guys that took that happy thing away, right?

We didn't make the dog an unhappy dog. The dog just couldn't chew socks anymore. Like, I mean really, if your whole life depends on chewing socks, it tells me your life is lacking something <laugh>. But she would say, she said, you know, the dog would just kind lay around now and not like do anything. But that's what the dog was bred to do is service dog, right? So the dog was already a pretty mellow, laid-back dog. It wasn't a high-energy, intense, drivey dog. That wasn't what she had. She had a mellow, laid-back service dog.

And so once she took away the one thing the dog kept doing, which was going around the house looking for some trouble to get into, find some socks or other garments and, and chew on them, uh, once she took that away, the dog just hung out. That's what they should do anyway in the house, guys.

But here's the thing, if you wanna see your dog happy, which really means aroused, so take them out and throw the ball, take them swimming, take them for a walk, take them, you know, go do something. Go do some off-leash stuff. Go for a hike, right? It's not that your dog can't be that way, but that really shouldn't be their default state. That is a problem. That is not a good thing. So I gotta tell you, 90% of the day I'm not walking around here giggling and laughing and, you know, flailing my body around.

12:00 — Peppe argues that lying quietly does not mean a dog is miserable.

Um, and if I was, people would think there was something wrong with me, right? Because there is, there would be, right? They'd be like, what, is she on coke? Like, what is her problem? Right? But for some reason we just don't always see it that way with our dogs.

We just think, oh, that's a happy dog, right? And then when they're just hanging out, just laying around, just sitting still, we're like, well, that's a miserable dog, but it's not a miserable dog. It's just a nice, calm dog who's chilling out, right? It would be like if someone happened upon me just laying on the beach enjoying the sun and they'd be like, well, that's a miserable person. No, I'm not miserable. I'm just chill. What is wrong with that? I promise you, just because your dog isn't running around, tongue a-flapping out of its mouth, tail up, ears up, that doesn't mean they're unhappy just 'cause they're not doing that stuff, right?

And I guarantee you they will still do it when you invite them to, which is how it should be, right? Otherwise, your dog is just helpless. They're just controlled by their impulses.

They're just a victim of it all the time, right? And then your dog can't listen to you either because they're always over-aroused. Um, and that is why people get stuck struggling with things is because it's all about arousal. If you can't teach your dog how to control arousal, if you can't learn how to control arousal, or if you refuse to learn 'cause you don't want to, um, then you're gonna continue to see these problems that bother you at least occasionally, because the more aroused your dog is, the more difficult it is to resist the impulse, right?

It's just like a person being drunk.

Arousal is essentially being drunk. It has to be regulated or it's not healthy, right? You can't just do that all day. And then, which kind of leads me into a somewhat unrelated point, but if you have your dog interacting with any other dogs, hopefully dogs you know, not strange dogs, but either way, when your dog, the more aroused your dog gets, and different dogs get to different levels of arousal, right? Especially when you see dog, like a lot of the bully breeds, a lot of the pitties, they tend to get more aroused and more stimulated faster.

They tend to be serious dopamine addicts. Like they're always just looking for something to get, get them stimulated and they tend to be very, very intense.

But any dog, this can be the case with absolutely any. We've seen it with, you know, hundreds of hundreds of dogs, all different breeds, and you get dogs together and sometimes things will start out fine, but as that arousal starts to escalate, things start to change, right? And it's like one dog does something maybe a little bit rude that they shouldn't have done because they're over-aroused, right? And then the other dog, because they're also over-aroused, they take it the worst possible way. And they're like, you do that to me, I'm gonna get you, right?

And it's like a bunch of drunken frat boys getting into a fistfight on the lawn. Someone says the wrong thing, someone takes it the wrong way. Next thing you know, I kill you <laugh>.

16:00 — An off-switch helps end stimulating activities; Peppe describes an excited Labrador bulldozing a poodle…

Um, so it really pays to know how to control your dog's arousal and to teach them how to control arousal, right? So you have an off switch. So when you say no more, you can shut it off. So, so important. Um, but it's also important that we as individuals are not like wanting to see our dogs walking around like that all day. It's just stupid, right? I've got nothing against a happy dog. Love a happy dog, but your dog doesn't have to be, first of all, they don't even have to be doing something, but if they are, they don't have to be doing it in the most frantic, excitable, intense way possible.

Um, I let one of our board-and-train dogs play with one of our other board-and-train dogs the other day because I've had them both long enough. They both have the training under their belt and their personalities are pretty, um, they mesh pretty well and they're, they're pretty easygoing dogs for the most part. But one of them is just a really like happy-go-lucky, super social Lab. Um, and the other one is a poodle. Well, the Lab just bulldozes the poodle with his excitement, right? So he just kind of comes over and will like body-slam you with excitement.

And that's bad news bears, like that's gonna set a dog off. He needs to learn how to dial that back, right? And that's also a pretty good example of like a dog that's so aroused and so stimulated that he becomes a bit rude, right?

So it's just like that drunk guy. You know, we went to a Chinese restaurant one time and <laugh> my daughter's like, her memory of this restaurant is just this guy that was in the lobby just super drunk <laugh>, like yelling at the the host. Um, anyway, that, that has nothing to do with that <laugh>, but that's what happens. Like, you get too worked up, you get too intoxicated, you start saying and doing stuff you're not supposed to that you shouldn't, um, even if you're generally good-natured. And then all it takes is the other person being a little worked up, being a little intoxicated, right?

It's the same with dogs. And so you gotta think of arousal that way. Your dog's default state should be calm. So most people have to work pretty hard to reverse that because most people have it backwards when we meet them, right?

We meet them and the norm is that their dog goes through the whole day, you know, and there's varying degrees of this. Some of them are right out of their gourd, right? And then some of them aren't, but it could range from they have a dog that's pretty calm, but, you know, every time there's a distraction they just kind of hang up the phone on their owner, right? That's super calm and almost everybody is there when we meet them. But then some dogs, it's like they never shut it off. They're always looking for something to get into.

They're always looking for something to stimulate their senses. They always have to be busy. They will chew anything they can get in their mouth. And we just kind of start to think that that's normal, right? And that's how our dog functions and that we're, when we see that we see a happy dog, right?

You give 'em a bone, happy dog. You see 'em chewing a stick, happy dog. Looking for socks to get into, happy dog, <laugh>, whatever it might be. And then when people do the training and, like, their dog's just laying at my feet being calm, even when the people walk in the room most of the time, huh? Not always. We can talk about that on another episode. Um, but it's almost like, oh my God, did we break their spirit? Whatever that means. It's our least favorite line, by the way. And it's like, no, I can release this dog and, like, we can go throw the ball around and have a great time right now, right?

20:00 — Peppe defines a happy dog as fulfilled, safe, responsive, and able to remain calm.

But we don't have to go through our whole day like that. We can just be cool. We can be calm, polite, respectful, and super comfortable in our own skin just laying down.

We can control our state of mind now instead of the other way around where our state of mind controls us and we're just helpless to resist impulses. It is such a game changer. So if you're one of those people where, when you picture your dog happy, you're picturing all these excited things, I want you to start to try to change your perspective about what a happy dog is. Because in my mind, a happy dog is a fulfilled dog who is safe and responsive, right? A fulfilled dog will obviously have food, water, shelter, affection, exercise, not necessarily in that order <laugh>, but they'll have all those things, all the things that they need, and they'll have a relationship with their human where they listen so that they can be safe.

And so everyone around them can be safe. And so that they can then have, that will open up their world, right? They can go more places, they can do more things with their family because they're able to control their arousal, they're able to listen. You're able to get them all worked up and excited when it's time and then you're able to shut it off when you want to.

To me, that's a happy dog, right? So a happy dog shouldn't look like they're on cocaine all day. That's not a happy dog. I would, in fact, I would argue that that in a lot of cases is a really stressed-out dog. And I can't think of a better example of that than at the dog park or at doggy daycare where you've got just masses of dogs all thrown together, all different personalities. Half of them don't wanna be there, but their owner thinks they do and they're often being bullied and pestered and bothered, but they're running around with their tail up and they look like they're smiling.

So everyone thinks they're having a good time. And oftentimes that smile, that mouth kind of pulled back real tight, is just a real sign of stress. When dogs are uncomfortable, they'll do that.

Um, if you watch in those settings, and I'm sure you can find plenty of videos even on YouTube, if you start watching closely, you will start to notice there are dogs that are not having a good time, but they look happy <laugh>, they look happy to their owners. Um, and so it's really, really hard too when we meet people and we're like, well, you know, we really discouraged doggie daycare and dog parks. Um, there's a lot of risk, there's very little benefit. Um, it generally erodes the things that we're trying to teach and train. So it really isn't recommended.

Um, and it's hard to get people to buy into that because they feel like their dog is happy there. Again, it's frantic, it's chaotic. And I'm not saying the dogs are never happy, happy there, but even the dogs that are probably aren't happy the whole time, um, but they're spending the whole day on cocaine.

Not cool, not helpful, guys. And they might actually be super stressed out. So if you don't really know, I mean, you don't know what you don't know, right? So if all you're going by are these, like these markers in your head that you think indicate happiness, you might be way off. Like maybe your dog's not happy there, right? Maybe they're having a lot of uncomfortable interactions. So we see more problems than good come out of those settings for that reason. Um, 'cause even the dogs that are social and and do kind of have a good time, um, they're not learning good stuff there.

24:00 — Peppe warns that group free-for-alls can teach dogs to pester others or defend their…

I can assure you of that <laugh>.

So they're learning a lot of, um, overstimulation, overexcitement. And they're learning to either be pestered or to pester others. Um, they're learning they have to protect their own space 'cause nobody else will. They're learning when they see another dog that that dog is going to run over and bother them even if they don't want them to. Um, or that every time they see a dog they can run over and bother that dog. And these are not the things that we want dogs to learn. There is, there's just no good to come outta that. It's bad news bears, guys.

Um, but again, everyone thinks, oh, my dog is there. He has a great time. He comes home, he's super tired. He's like, yeah, he is exhausted for fighting for his life, <laugh> all day. Um, but your dog should also, they should just be able to be good and shut things off whether they've had that much exercise or not, right?

And that kind of frantic exercise is not the best kind of exercise. Even fetch if there's no rules. Like it's not the best kind of exercise, right? It's not the worst. I mean, you do what you gotta do with what you've got. But ideally we want productive exercise that works both the body and the mind, right? Or we wanna incorporate some kind of structure into it where like we still ask the dogs for things and they can do them. So we're not just practicing on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on. We're practicing on, on, on, off, on, off, on, on, off, right?

Go get the ball. But then I'm gonna ask you to bring it back. I'm gonna ask you to drop it. I might ask you to hold a down, right? So you can incorporate all these things into your play that make it so much more productive, that sharpen your off switch, that sharpen your impulse control, that get your dog more engaged and more listening and really just learning how to be excited, shut it off, be excited, shut it off, and they're getting their physical exercise. Like really that's ideal. But you know, you can turn them loose at doggy daycare and just let them all pummel each other, push each other around, treat each other like their own personal treadmills, learn all kinds of crappy behavior.

And then they'll come home and take a nap. And I mean, if that makes you happy, then I guess it's, uh, none of my business <laugh>.

But so change your perspective, guys, on what a happy dog is. Think about what you picture as a happy dog and then picture, you know, how you look when you're happy, right? They're not, yeah, sure, if you like win the lottery and you're jumping up and down, like that might be happy. Um, but there are plenty of times where you're perfectly happy and you're just chilling. Like your dog should, should do that too. Um, and this whole spirit-crushing thing is just not real. It's just not real. Like you'd have to be a sadistic son of a bitch that just puts your remote on a hundred and just rings it like a doorbell all the time for fun. Consequences or asking your dog to be calm.

That is not gonna crush your dog's spirit <laugh>. It's not gonna do any such thing. Um, it's going to strengthen your relationship and you're going to have a better bond with your dog than you did before. That's it for today, guys. Thanks for joining me and I look forward to next time.