Prevention Series: Separation Anxiety

00:00 — Kati Peppe introduces Off Leash and Unfiltered and Diamond Canine’s e-collar training specialization.

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered Trigger Warning. I'm Kati Peppe, delivering the Truth in Dog Training.

Hey, this is your host, Kati Peppe, owner of Diamond Canine Dog Training in Biddeford, Maine. For those of you that are new here, we specialize in e-collar training. So we help dogs listen off leash and around distractions. Or if your dog's being an absolute total jerk, well, we can help with that too. We do it all and we do puppy training too. This podcast is just my way of sharing. Well, everything with you guys, the good, the bad, the ugly. And I will always be honest about how to fix the problems you might be dealing with with your dog.

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We appreciate you. And without further ado, let's jump in. And we're talking about separation anxiety today. Welcome to our second episode of our prevention series, where we're talking about three big issues, um, that we see with dogs, resource guarding, separation anxiety, and reactivity, especially toward other dogs. Um, so we've already covered resource guarding. Today we're talking about separation anxiety. Man, there's a very broad spectrum when we're talking about separation anxiety, right? As there is with anything I suppose. But I have seen separation anxiety at levels that absolutely, absolutely, absolutely would preclude these people from keeping their dog.

So it can be absolutely life destroying. Um, I've met many people, honestly. Um, it's not super common to meet people that have this level, uh, of an issue with it, of course. But, uh, I have met many people over the years who can't leave their dog.

They literally cannot leave their dog alone. The dog has to go everywhere with them. They cannot just leave the house and leave the dog there. And if they have to, then that means they have to hire a sitter for the dog. Just like a child. They absolutely cannot leave the dog at home. Um, because the dog is destructive, we'll tear things apart. We'll get into things that will hurt them, we'll hurt themselves, will rip their teeth out. If they put 'em in a kennel will bark and howl. We'll get them kicked outta their apartments. All this stuff, all this stuff.

It's like, it's just nuts out. Um, and you know, it's not always that severe, but even moderate separation anxiety can be very, very stressful. Um, the dog can still get hurt or things can still get ruined. You can still get kicked out of your apartment.

It's like if you have a dog that's just noisy the whole time you're gone, that's a problem. And obviously the dog's not comfortable, right? So it's like we wanna fix that if we can because it's gonna be better for everybody. Um, so let's talk about separation anxiety a little bit. This is the prevention series, right? So although this isn't for, um, I don't wanna say it isn't for, although we're not covering how to fix separation anxiety, we're talking about how to prevent it. Everything we're going to talk about today talk is absolutely relevant to somebody who's dealing with separation anxiety right now.

04:00 — The prevention strategies remain useful for dogs already displaying separation anxiety.

So even if your dog already has and is already displaying separation anxiety and you're already wrestling with it, even though this is called the quote unquote prevention series, everything we're gonna talk about today is stuff you should start implementing. So we're not covering protocols on how to address it once it's being exhibited.

We're not really talking about that today. But nonetheless, everything we are gonna talk about in terms of prevention are things I would tell people to implement if they're dealing with it. So it's certainly worth a listen, um, even if your dog is already displaying these things. So separation anxiety, I think like a lot of behaviors, people often attribute it to their behavior in the environment the dog is being raised in. Um, and obviously there is some truth to that, right? 'cause that's what we're gonna talk about today. 'cause you can't control the uncontrollables, right? We're gonna talk about the things you can control, which is you <laugh>.

So yes, there is an element of that, but just like everything else, that's not all that matters. I think it's so important to remember if your dog displays separation anxiety that is coming from within, that is who they are.

They had the genetic material to go down that train track. Um, right? So you can have two dogs and you can do everything, quote unquote, right? Right. Everything we're gonna talk about today and still have a dog that struggles with separation anxiety. And you can have a dog where you don't do any of this stuff and you're very, very soft with them, and they, they're always stuck to your side and they don't have any separation anxiety at all, right? And so when I say that I'm not trying to take the power away from you, I wouldn't be doing this podcast or this episode if you didn't have any power.

I'm just saying it pays to remember that you don't control the universe, that your dog isn't a blank slate, and that there are pre-programmed genetic behaviors already in your dog, even if you're not seeing them now. And you might see them later, it's already in there. Uh, your dog is coated in a manner that decides what their proclivities are. So yeah, we want to remind you of that. But at the same time, we wanna say, if you wanna create the most balanced dog possible and the most balanced, healthy relationship possible, and give your dog the best chance of success, these are the things you do, right?

And if you do these things, there's a very small chance that you're still gonna have trouble.

Very small, right? Um, but there's still a chance because every dog is different. Any whom? Genetics aside, because you can't do much about that besides try to pre-select for a dog with good genetics. And even then, there's no guarantee. What do we do? What do we do to set our dog up for the best chance of success? Well, if you're bringing home a puppy, there are lots of things that you'll hear people say, but what you should and shouldn't do, right? Or even if you're bringing home a new dog, but it's an older dog, right?

08:00 — When bringing home a puppy or older dog, prioritize practical structure over conflicting opinions.

Everyone has an opinion on what you should and shouldn't do. Some of them were probably covered in our myths episode that we just put out and things like, you know, don't let your dog sleep in your bed or, uh, you know, things like that. And there's some truth to that.

But, so I wanna talk about all of those things. And I also wanna take just a second real quick to remind folks. It's like, even if your dog is great and well balanced, even if they're not a puppy, right? Because I always say, oh, you know, when your dog's a puppy, you don't actually know what you have yet, right? Your dog might seem fine as a puppy, and then all of a sudden they're not fine once they get to be six months, eight months, 12 months old. And that's normal because you're not seeing the full dog when they're a puppy, right?

They have to go through that maturation process. And then you might see behaviors that are activated, um, with all the hormones and everything and, and everything that occurs during that process. Um, you know, and there's never a point where you're like, okay, I'm seeing everything my dog is capable of because behaviors can just spontaneously generate anytime.

I mean, that's just how it works. It's how brains work, right? So I'm not a morning person, but last week I decided I was just sick of not being able to get anything done. And I set my alarm for 5:00 AM and I got up and I came to work, right? And normally I don't do that, especially since I'm up very late at night trying to get things done, <laugh>. Um, but it's a constant struggle. And then I don't get enough sleep. And it's really, you know, it's almost impossible to get up in the morning.

And my circadian rhythm has just never been that way anyway. Um, but I said, that's it. You know, I'm going to, I'm gonna try it. I'm gonna get up really early, uh, I'm gonna fight through it and I'm, I'm gonna get some stuff done. It's gonna feel good and freaked my husband out, man.

Why? Because I've never done that before. That's not to say I've never gotten up in the morning, but not when I don't have to, right? I have an appointment, I have to bring my daughter to school. I have to do this or that without any of those things. Just choosing on my own to do that has never happened. We've been together for a decade. I've never done it. I don't think I've ever done it once. Um, but I did it last week and I did it today, <laugh>. And so when dogs do that, it leaves owners going, why, why, why?

You could beat yourself up, rack your brain and drive yourself nuts trying to figure that out, because that's how behavior works. That's why.

So it doesn't matter why, but it does pay to understand and to remember that just because your dog seems fine right now or has never done anything right now doesn't mean they won't tomorrow. I have a client right now whose dog is 10 years old and she's here because all of a sudden he is biting people and he's going code red nuts when she leaves the house. Especially. And a lot of people will find this bizarre if she leaves the house and then has to turn around and come back in for something like she left her keys or her phone or something like that.

12:00 — Some dogs anticipate departures and returns, changing their behavior when owners leave or re-enter.

She has to actually think about how she's gonna get back into the house because the dog is gonna be so crazed, he will probably bite her. And it's not even like he thinks she's an intruder and he's attacking her. It's not aggressive in that sense. It's just pure chaotic arousal. It's just so over the top. He's not thinking he's just an absolute mess with teeth <laugh>. And so she's 10 years in. He's never done this before, right? And he has been checked out by a t no, he doesn't have a brain tumor. I dunno. That's what everybody's thinking, <laugh>.

And sometimes that does happen, but usually that's not the case. Usually it's just behavior changes, right? And there might be other things in the body that are changing, hormones changing, and um, you know, just all the things that happen as your dog matures and as your dog ages, biologically, things change. Behaviorally, things change. Mentally, things change. It's all tied together.

Um, but things can change anytime. So, because one thing that I just, I, I feel like I see a lot is people think their dog either is or isn't. And that just isn't true. It doesn't matter if we're talking about aggression, reactivity, um, separation, anxiety, friendliness, aloofness. There is no is or isn't. Like everything really is a spectrum. And your dog, it has it all in there to some degree or other, right? The ability to kill prey is in your dog. Even if you have a cute little fluffy dog who seems so sweet, um, and you feel like would never hurt a flea, it's in there.

It's in there somewhere. You might never see it. Your dog might live to be 19 years old and you never see it. That's true.

Um, or they might get to be nine years old and you see it, okay? You don't know. So anyway, enough rambling on about all of that. Now that might be another episode, <laugh> another episode altogether. Let's talk about how to avoid creating separation anxiety or have the best chance of avoiding creating separation anxiety or nurturing, um, that proclivity in your dog towards separation anxiety if they have it. So I think number one is very, very common to hear this. It's like, don't have your dog sleeping in your bed with you. And I'm not anti dog in the bed, okay?

15:00 — Avoid letting puppies sleep overnight in your bed during their first year.

But if you have a puppy, don't have them sleeping in your bed overnight with you. And I'm not saying they can never get on your bed, that's not what I'm saying. But number one, it's king quarters, right? So I talk about that a lot. But number two, it's like's, when do you practice separation?

Like it seems like nighttime and sleeping is an ideal time to do that because you're asleep anyway. Like you're not spending quality time with your dog. Um, and it just really, really plays into that creating a codependency, right? And it's one of the harder things for young puppies because they've probably had litter mates and, and mom to sleep with. But it's like, that's one of the harsh realities of growing up and becoming well adjusted, is you're separated from them. Now, this is the real world and you have to learn that it is okay to be alone and it is okay to sleep alone and you are okay.

And they can't learn that if you take that opportunity away from them by then you jumping into that role and never letting them experience, Hey, I'm okay on my own. It's all right. It's not so bad.

They can only learn that if you allow them to. So when you have a young puppy, don't take that away from them, right? And again, when you have a young puppy, you don't know who they are yet, so at least wait until they're nine, 10 months old, 12 months old, right? That first year is so critical. Let them experience that first year with all of the tools that help them become confident and balanced. And then if you wanna start trying some of that stuff, go ahead. Right? If you're not seeing any issues, go ahead. You can always dial it back if you feel like things are starting to go in a direction you don't like, right?

But it's not really like that with a young puppy, right? You're really doing them a disservice if you spend that first year nurturing, dependency and then you find out that this dog has a real problem with dependency and attachment and anxiety, right?

Because the thing is, like we just talked about, you don't know yet if your dog has those tendencies. And so rather than wait and see and give them the best chance of success, you're going, it doesn't matter to me. We're just gonna do this anyway. And then you get 6, 10, 12, 18 months into it and potentially you have a dog that's a real mess and you're partially responsible for that, right? Because it's a marathon, not a sprint. And we didn't want to wait and see, we didn't wanna do the hard work. Now while they're young and we have the most impact when they're that young, by the way, right?

Yes, your dog can learn anytime, but it's, the brain is still developing. You have a much, much better shot at uncrossing some of those wires, so to speak, right? Wiring your dog to be more confident, more balanced, and having a permanent impact on their personality. You have much, much more ability to do that when your dog is very young, especially when they're very young, right? When you first bring them home, they're eight, 12 weeks old, four months old, right? That's the time to do the hard stuff that nobody likes to do.

19:00 — Young dogs offer the greatest opportunity to shape confidence and reduce dependency before patterns…

That's when you have the most impact. Um, but sleeping in your bed is a big one. It's like that is earned right through good behavior, but also through just showing me that we don't have codependent issues, we don't have anxiety issues, right? And that takes time. 'cause you can't see that when they're three months old. So that's not a good time to have your dog in your bed. But certainly if your dog exhibits any separation issues, like get them outta your bed guys, okay? Um, structure. So getting your dog outta your bed is part of that, right?

But utilizing structure, so allowing your dog to just roam around. We talk about this all the time on like a broken record. I know and I'm not gonna spend a ton of time on it right now. Um, but it applies here as well. Now, getting your dog outta your bed is part of that structure, right?

'cause we're gonna tell you, hey, use a kennel at a minimum overnight when you're sleeping and when you're gone. But as far as separation anxiety goes, it's like make sure you're using that kennel even sometimes during the day when you're home. Especially if you have a young puppy. You should be anyway. 'cause you should really be limiting that freedom a lot early on. It should be a very gradual process to really integrate them into the house, uh, roaming around if you ever do. But it should be gradual. Um, but here's what it does. Like having your, your puppy or your dog in the kennel during the day while you're awake.

Oh my god, can you believe the atrocity <laugh>?

Oh, how cruel it is. Uh, what it does is it forces your dog to build some coping skills. So not all, but a lot of dogs with separation issues, especially serious separation issues, they can't tolerate being in the kennel and seeing their owner, their family out of reach, right? They're there but they can't get to them. They see them doing things, but they can't go inject themselves in it. They can't follow you to the bathroom. Um, so even if your dog doesn't have a hard time with that, let's make sure it stays that way. Put them in the kennel and let them see you doing the dishes, making dinner, going into different rooms, coming in and out of sight.

22:00 — Use a kennel during household activities so puppies learn they cannot follow you everywhere.

Make normalize that, right? People don't, they let their puppy follow them around all the time. They think it's great. A lot of things will tell you.

And it's like, yeah, I do too sometimes, right? Yeah. When your dog is out of the kennel, nurture that, Hey, follow me, pay attention to me, but also be okay with not being able to do that. Love the podcast. Well, I have great news. We are now offering an inexpensive subscription where you can get access to our new premium content. This content isn't available to our general listeners, it's made just for you. It includes all kinds of behind the scenes stuff, all the obstacles and how we're overcoming them with our board and trained dogs. And the most difficult part of our job, how we deal with overcoming obstacles with our clients.

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And a lot of times I find people are gravitating toward one or the other, right? And usually it's the softness and it's the follow me around and it's the be with me and, and all that stuff. And it's like, just like everything else, you're gonna hear me say, you need both. Yeah. When my puppy's outta the kennel, I do want them paying attention to me. I do want them following me. I do want them to respond to their name. I do want them curious about what I'm doing. I do want them engaged. I want all those things.

But I also wanna be able to put my puppy in the crate. And they're cool.

It's no big deal. If they can't do that, you have a problem. And the thing is, even if they can do it today, how do you know they're gonna be able to do it tomorrow if you don't keep doing it? Right? So you can't just put your puppy in there for a day or two and then go, yep, they're fine. They can do it. Well. So what? That can change fast man. This is something you need to keep up, okay? Um, and then, you know, once you teach a good place command, we like to use that.

So I was just telling you about the lady with the dog that goes absolutely crazy when she leaves the house. Now he's 10 years old. Um, and she can't even come back into the house if she needs something because he is completely out of control and dangerous. Um, well during her last two private lessons, we have rehearsed putting him on place while she walks away, which at first she couldn't take two steps.

25:00 — Practice place work by increasing distance from the dog and eventually leaving the room.

And then we rehearsed, she walks across the room and then out of the room. And this was nearly impossible the first couple times we did it. And she had to learn how to enforce that boundary with him. And it was hard and it was hard for her emotionally. It was very hard for her. Um, and she has a dog that's kind of a hunting breed. He is a springer and he is not a real sensitive guy physically anyway. So his e-collar numbers tend to be a little higher. And when he gets into that frantic state of mind, it's extremely high.

And so we had to show her how to work him through that, how to overcome that intensity to get him back onto the cot without grabbing his leash and pulling him, right? Because that's what will happen if she's too low on her e-collar. By the way. We have spent tons of time teaching him plays with the eco. This isn't his first day, okay? And she's done a fantastic job. He knows it very well. And so now we had to show her when he gets frantic and he gets off there because he needs to be stuck to you, we're gonna show you what to do with your e-collar to come in above his intensity and motivate him to actually actually go back and stay there.

Um, and I know everyone's going well, how high was it? What was the number rate? It doesn't matter. It, it really doesn't matter. It's going to look different for every dog. But you will find most of the time that the more anxious, more frantic, more aroused, more afraid, more anything, the higher that number is. So when we get a dog that flips a switch and just goes code red, crazy, the number's really high a lot of the time. And I think during most of that session we were between a 40 and a 75. You know what better than last time.

That was actually an improvement over last time. And when I say improvement, all I really mean is the numbers being a little bit lower, indicates to me that his state of mind was a little bit better. His arousal, his stress and him, his anxiety were a little bit lower than last time. That's all I mean by that. Um, and we also rehearsed putting him in the kennel and having her leave the space, um, go through the door out sight. And the last time she was here, right? Not this past time, but the time before that, uh, it was ugly.

28:00 — Rehearsing kennel departures revealed messy early sessions before the dog began improving.

So I held the remote and I dealt with the dog, but I showed her what I was doing 'cause she needed to go home and replicate this.

And the dog was in the kennel, barking, crying, screaming, howling, drooling, parring. And I started on my remote, thirties, forties, went up fifties, sixties, went up, seventies, eighties, I was on a hundred, right? And this, all, that all happened very quickly because I'm experienced enough that I know I'm getting like there was zero difference. I'm not gonna spend my time in the same spot if I'm seeing zero difference. And I don't wanna talk too much about this. 'cause again, like this isn't an episode on how to deal with separation anxiety. But um, it is very informative.

I think there's no point in spending your time in that same range if you're not seeing any impact. Like there's no indication that he cares about it at all. Right? So we have to make some big jumps until we see a change. And I was on a hundred and I had to play with it at a hundred a little bit before he finally was quiet. And then he sat there very quiet for quite a while. He was still stressed, he was still drooling.

But you know, and people will say that and think, oh, the dog is so like he's already really stressed out and now you do. This is gonna be more stressed out. That just isn't how it works. It's just not the first step to relaxing in there is to be quiet. So we'll do whatever we need to do as long as it doesn't cause harm to get him to be quiet so that he can see it's okay. Right? He has to experience being in there and being quiet to see it's okay. And it will gradually get better and better and better.

And clearly it is because he came back the next time, which was a couple weeks later and we did it again. And it was much easier, much easier. He went in without too much trouble.

And I think we had to tap the remote once, whereas last time I had to sit there and play with it for a few minutes and I had to keep increasing my levels. We didn't have that this time. Huge improvement from just one lesson to the next, right? And so now she's gonna go home and replicate that. So if you have a dog that's that crazy at a very young age, like if you have a dog that's eight weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks, and they're like breaking teeth to get out of the kennel to get to you, they're yoing and yelling and screaming.

31:00 — A young puppy frantically trying to escape a crate is an important early warning…

They're having diarrhea all over the place 'cause they're so stressed, they're destroying things. It's like you've got a real problem. You probably know that. Okay? Um, and you, you cannot leave anything on the table. You need to go full haw.

You need to jump into the deep end and you need to get serious about implementing all this stuff we're gonna talk about here today. Um, but most likely, you know, if your dog's sort of middle of the road, what you're gonna see is just whining and restlessness. You know, they might protest the crate because they know when they go in there, they can't follow you around. They're separate from you, right? Or really calm and stuff is like always pawing at you and demanding attention. They might guard you a little bit, um, especially as they get older.

Um, so a lot of people see more of these middle of the road things, right? You leave your dog runs to the window to watch you maybe barks at you, um, that sort of stuff. So if you're seeing that, make sure you implement this stuff right? But even if you're not seeing any of this stuff, it's like implementing this will just make sure that you keep your dog's mind, right?

Right? That you really minimize the chance of this stuff surfacing at some point, right? But if nothing else, right? If your dog's doing great and you do decide, hey, they don't need a high level of structure and they're going to sleep in my bed and all these other things that I'm about to cover, it's like, okay, but just watch, right? And be honest with yourself about what you're seeing. So if you start seeing some of these little red flags, then kick it up a notch and, and implement these things, right? So stop having your dog in your bed, especially if they're a young puppy or a new dog.

Um, use structure. So don't have them free all day. Use your kennel. Let them see you from their kennel while you're doing stuff. Use your place command if you've taught the place, command and enforce it, right? So they have to stay there. They can't follow you around and attach themselves to you all the time. Stop taking them everywhere with you. So yes, from an exposure and socialization perspective, taking your dog all these places is fantastic. And I'm not telling you not to do that. But your dog never gets to be home alone, which is important.

34:00 — Do not bring your dog everywhere; occasional eight-hour absences can be manageable.

Don't take your dog everywhere with you all the time. It's great if you have a job where you can bring your dog to work. Don't do it every day. Your dog, believe it or not, will live if you leave him at home alone for eight hours. Now, if you've got a job where you can bring your dog with you, great, do that. Don't do it every day. Or if you do, make sure there are other times that your dog is home alone. But here's the thing, at least make sure, you know, put your dog in the crate, go to the grocery store and get groceries, right?

Run your errands. Like make sure your dog gets time at home. Completely alone, regularly. And I recommend they're in the crate. It's the safest place for them.

Here's the thing, leaving your dog at home while you go to work for like, especially if it's six hours, eight hours, even nine hours, right? 10 hours is a long time. Your dog has to fit into your life. If your workday's 10 hours, it's 10 hours. Maybe you can hire a dog walker or something like, that'd be great, but it's good for the human, right? Because what happens is we get into a space where it's like we start to actually think our dog can't be home alone all day. We think they can't, right? Because we never do it.

They can, they can be home and they'll be okay <laugh>, they'll be okay. Um, it's easy to just kind of create this false reality in our head because we have this feeling or we had this feeling. And so we've always done things a certain way. And so now we just believe it to be a fact. Like what do you think is gonna happen? Do you really think that your dog can't hold their bladder while you're at work? Again, I'm very pro like dog walker. Or if you have a trusted friend or neighbor, like somebody who knows what they're supposed to do, like come let your dog out.

Great. Do that. But if you can't, it's okay.

Your your dog will be okay for the day. Lots of people work and they have to leave their dog at home for the day. The dog's all right? Right? Let them out in the morning. Give them plenty of time so they can do all their business and maybe even get a little exercise. They'll be okay till you get home, especially if you have someone to come let them out. But your dog, spending time alone is important for your dog and for you so that you don't start to become more. I have to, I have to, I have to.

And I used to be that person.

I was certain that like everything was gonna fall apart if I left my dog at home. If they were alone too long, if they didn't get out fast enough, right? I was always stressed by it. I'd be out trying to do my errands, do my work, whatever it was. And it was always, I have to get home. I have to get home, I have to get home, right? So my stuff wouldn't get done. Things wouldn't get done, right? Because I have to get home. Gotta let my dog out, gotta let my dog out. Dog's fine.

<laugh>

The dog's fine, right? If you get home a little later than usual, dog doesn't get out as fast as you'd like. They eat a little bit later than they normally do. It's okay. I'm not saying neglect your dog, I'm just saying especially if it's like a one off, right? It's not your dog's life, it's not every day. It's just today your dog's gonna be fine. So it might take your stress level down a little bit to start to experience. It's okay if I go to work for seven or eight hours and like leave my dog at at home.

I get to see he's all right. Uh, so I think that's a good idea once in a while. Uh, even if your dog's fine with it just to make you fine with it. So stop taking your dog absolutely everywhere all the time. Make sure they give some time alone.

Um, and if you work from home, so you just happen to be home all the time, then you need to intentionally leave the house. Not necessarily every day, but regularly, right? Leave the house and make sure your dog is there by themselves at a time when there's no one else there. Like the kids are at school, husband's at work, or you know, whatever. You go get groceries or run errands or just go outside and mow the lawn or go outside and read a book. Like, I don't care, but leave the house. We want to make sure that you don't put your dog in a position where they've just never even experienced that.

39:00 — Regularly leave for errands or outdoor activities so your dog experiences ordinary absences.

That's not fair. Again, you're taking away the opportunity for them to see it's fine.

Here's a big one. Constant touching. So many people are always doing this to their dog and they don't even realize it, right? 'cause they're like doing it for their own sake, in their own anxiety appeasement. It's very, very natural. Uh, even I wanna touch dogs a lot of the time, um, when I shouldn't. And I have to be conscious of that and dial it back and I'll catch myself sometimes starting to do it. So there's nothing wrong with you, but that's something you wanna become aware of because that constant affection absolutely will nurture that codependent nature that some dogs have, right?

Um, especially a dog that's always coming into your space. And that's why we teach that from the time they're young puppies. I don't allow them to always just come right into my space and reward it with affection. I don't, I'll use their leash and I'll give 'em a little leash pop and use leash pressure to kind of set a boundary.

Like, Hey, you can't just climb into my lap and up into my face. Like, no, right? Or I'll bump them a little bit with my arm, right? So I'm not hitting them or kicking them, but it's a bump with the body part, right? And you don't wanna just push 'em off with your hands. Um, which is what most people would do if they're trying to set a boundary, they would use their hands. But to the dog, it's just, it's almost like petting or playing. Um, and people tend to spend too long with the fingers. Like on the dog.

You really wanna use like your wrist, your arm, um, to just kind of tap them like in the chest, right? And sort of bump them off and just set that boundary like, Hey, you can't just climb all over me and get into my space space and demand things for me.

So that can help with the dog's gonna be really pushy, but it also can help the dog's gonna be really super needy, um, to just help set boundaries. And again, when you do that, you're giving your dog a chance to experience that. They don't have to do it. Things are fine. They are okay. There is a life outside of being attached to me. Um, your wellbeing doesn't depend on you being attached to me. So constant touching and affection, allowing them to always get up into your space, right? And we have several things for that. We've already talked about the crate, the place command.

You can have a leash on 'em, especially if it's a puppy. Have them dragging a leash so you can use that leash, um, to give them a little pop some pressure. Like just set that boundary that you don't want them in your space right now.

42:00 — Repeatedly returning to your space indicates that your boundary is too soft or unclear.

And if they keep coming back, coming back, coming back, then they're telling you you're being too soft and too gentle. Don't be afraid to send the memo home. Right? I'm not telling you to hurt your puppy. Don't fling them to the moon or anything. Don't swing 'em around over your head, right? But people tend to be, they think their puppy's made of glass, right? Just tell them, use your leash. Uh, learn how to give a little leash pop and set a boundary or tap with your arm or your wrist if that's, um, works better for you.

But that constant touching is a big one. We're always doing this. I'll see people here in their private lessons, especially if it's sort of a down moment where we're talking. And it just never stops. It never stops. It never stops. You gotta, you gotta stop <laugh>, you stop, stop touching the dog. I'm not saying you can't pet your dog, right? But be mindful of it. 'cause when you do it all the time, especially in a real soft, um, especially if it's like soft and fast and frantic, it's just the worst, right? Especially if your dog is in a needy space at that moment.

Um, or they're in a nervous space or an anxious space and you're just petting away, petting, it's the worst thing you can do.

So dial that back a little bit. Practice spending time more neutrally with your dog. Um, sharing space with a dog. I've talked about this, um, in the past, but don't talk about the tunnel. I really love sharing space with a dog in a neutral way. So there's nothing wrong with the occasional cuddle for most dogs. Um, but they don't have to be in your lap. You don't have to be touching them. Like just sharing space where I am on the couch and they're on the floor right next to me, or they're on their place cot and I'm in a chair, whatever it is.

But we're just, we're near each other but we're not touching, right? And we might just be sitting or we might be reading a book or we, you know, we might be out on the grass, it doesn't matter. But we're just being quiet and still and together, um, is really, really nice.

I just feel like it's an intimate way to really share just calm, balanced energy with your dog. It's really, really great. And it might help make you more aware of your need to always be stroking your dog, uh, which might not be good for either of you. <laugh>. So, um, so that's a big one. And, you know, we talked a little bit about place, like put your dog on place and walk away, like practice that. Now if you're, you know, if your dog is doing great and not having any trouble, that should be pretty easy for you to do.

So it's like, do that now and set that boundary now and set up that accountability now where your dog is okay with being on place and like, you leave the room, you even go outside, that sort of thing. Um, and that way in the event, if you do start seeing some of those separation anxiety signs creep in, you now have a tool you've already created that you can use, um, to really set things right back on the right track, right?

So you're setting yourself up for success by doing these things, even though you might feel like you don't need to, right? Your dog's fine, your dog's fine, but it's like they might not be fine someday and you won't have any of these tools available to you because you just haven't, you haven't set them up, right? But doing these things beforehand really, really helps, uh, reduce the likelihood that you're ever gonna have a problem. Like, why wouldn't you want that? Right? So young puppies and new dogs, like don't have them sleep in your bed, right? If you wanna do that later on, once things look good, go ahead, right?

46:00 — Delay bed sharing until the dog’s behavior shows confidence and no separation concerns.

But if you start seeing signs creep in that your dog's getting too needy, dial it back. But set your dog up for success by making sure they're okay just sleeping in their kennel at night.

Um, don't do constant cuddling on the couch. Share some neutral space. Put your dog on place. Make sure you can walk away. Don't touch your dog constantly stroking, stroking, stroking. When you do touch them, be conscious of how you're doing it, right? You don't want frantic petting firm. Slow petting is really ideal. Um, and I mean, you don't overthink it, right? You can, you can pet your dog. It's okay. Um, but with dogs that are tending to get needy, like it's really important not to just always be touching and feeding that anxiety, feeding that neediness, that codependency.

Uh, make sure your dog's alone sometimes don't take them absolutely everywhere all the time. Yes, get your dog their socialization and exposure, but make sure they stay home sometimes when you're out running your errands and doing your things and you know, going to work. Make sure your dog gets time where they're actually truly alone in the house and that they're okay with it. And kennel them up when you do that. 'cause that's the safest place for them. Um, I think that's it. Use that structure. Keep 'em outta your bed. Don't bring them absolutely everywhere with you.

Don't be constantly touching them. Don't allow them to bombard into your space all the time and reward it with touching. Um, I really like that, setting that boundary with the puppies when they're young.

It's really, really valuable. Uh, so that's it. These are, these are, those are the keys for setting your dog up for the highest chance of success and the lowest chance of becoming a super needy, anxious dog who dictates your entire life, <laugh>. It's like I said, some people can't even leave the house. So implement these things guys, and, uh, it's gonna keep you on the right track. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. If there's a topic you'd like to hear discussed, you can send that to me directly at Kati at Diamond Canine dot com via email.

So I will link to that email address in the show notes. Thanks for joining us today, guys. Thanks for supporting the podcast and I look forward to the next one.