Are You Going To Say My Dog Shouldn’t Sleep In My Bed??

00:00 — Kati Peppe introduces the debate over dogs sleeping in beds and rejects blanket furniture…

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered. Trigger warning. I'm Kati Peppe, delivering the truth in dog training.

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Off Leash and Unfiltered. I'm Kati Peppe of Diamond K9 Dog Training. And a big point of contention, <laugh> between dog owners and dog trainers, um, sometimes is dogs on furniture and sleeping in your bed. So, and I myself have a lot of clients that start and they get really, really touchy about having the dog sleep in their bed. And let's just get one thing out on the table. Your dog sleeping in your bed is probably fine, <laugh>. So for a lot of people that's fine. So I wanna talk a little bit about that and how, you know, if it's fine for you or not.

Um, but also just kind of the differences among dogs and how you should be sort of approaching things depending on who your dog is. 'Cause that matters, guys. Sure, a dog is a dog is a dog, but you have to kind of adapt and customize things based on the individual dog, but you don't always customize them the way you would think.

And I think that's the problem. So our human assumption is that we should be softer, you know, with dogs that are nervous, fearful, um, and that sort of thing. And that's not necessarily true. It's not necessarily false either, but it's not necessarily true. In fact, that can be more damaging. So how do you know what you're supposed to be doing with your dog? So, as I've said millions of times, I think all of this stuff exists on a spectrum. So the humans are somewhere on it, the dogs are somewhere on it. Behaviorally, all the consequences that you distribute are on it.

Um, and so rarely are things really black and white. So it can be hard to know what you should be doing. So I wanna just go over some of the principles, uh, real quickly when it comes to not just how you train your dog, but how you live with your dog.

03:00 — Kati explains how everyday interactions shape behavior beyond the major incidents owners notice.

So how you live with your dog is part of your training. How you live with your dog makes a huge difference in how they feel, how they view you, how they have wired their brain to move through the world and respond to things. You guys, when someone calls me with a really super anxious or super nervous, fearful dog or something like that, or even a really aggressive dog or, you know, a dog that's really anything, right? If they're extreme in any aspect, the first thing I, I usually tell these people is, look, a big part of our training program is going to be changing how you live with your dog.

So the small moments make up most of their day. They're not what we notice necessarily. They're not what we care about.

We notice the big moments and we care more about the big moments. Those tend to be the moments that really cause us a problem. But those moments usually are a very small part of the day, and the rest of the day, the dog is just sailing through their day, going around through the world, doing all kinds of stuff that's contributing to the problem and we're missing it all and we're letting it go. Maybe we're even encouraging it and then the big moment rolls around and we're, ugh, we had our problem again. So, so let's talk about the different types of dogs and how you should be living with them or, or working with them.

Um, and I'm gonna try to make this really simple and straightforward just for the average dog owner. This isn't, um, going into like detailed advanced training stuff or anything like that.

I, I wanna provide information here that's actually going to help people. So, so you know, let's kind of break dogs down into like these rough categories, right? So let's say you have a dog that's just pretty average, middle of the road in most aspects. You know, like they might have some things that they are afraid of, but they're not generally a fearful dog. Um, you know, they're not walking around the world with their tail tucked. They're not trying to flee every time they hear a loud noise. They're just kind of your average regular dog with an average amount of confidence.

They're also not necessarily like super forward or super pushy, you know, they're just sort of your average Joe, which is probably where most dogs fall, right? That's why it's average. Um, those dogs, you don't really need to live with them necessarily in a special manner.

So I think, you know, if you're really trying to train your dog to be tuned in and make yourself more relevant, you wanna use a lot of structure, you wanna use your crate a lot, um, but you're not necessarily obligated to in the sense that your dog has any real behavioral issues. So, you know, you don't have an aggressive dog, you don't have a dog with like severe separation issues, then like if you want your dog to sleep in your bed and like cuddle on the couch, go for it. You don't have any real behavioral problems with your dog, go for it.

06:00 — Kati warns that unrestricted roaming while an e-collar charges can create opportunities for unwanted…

However, just keep in mind, especially if you're doing like an e-collar program, that can open up some opportunities for problems because your dog is probably going to be out of the kennel roaming around the house or in bed with you, whatever, while their e-collar is not on because it's charging.

And so a lot of people can't afford that, even if their dogs are pretty good dogs. But if they happen to be rambunctious or they happen to have certain behaviors at certain times a day, like if you don't have your equipment on and your dog is loose, they're not in their kennel, then you definitely can run into some problems there, um, because your dog has the opportunity to commit those sins, commit those crimes, um, and you don't have the equipment on the dog. So something to keep in mind. However, it's fine to have those dogs on the furniture and, and in your bed with you if you want to.

Uh, my preference is always by invite. So I always teach my dog, my dog is, is really good behaviorally, uh, for the most part. Um, he's a little freaked out around strangers, doesn't like to go new places, but, uh, he's a good dog and we have no problems with at home and he does everything I ask him to do.

And I don't have a problem with him getting up on the furniture sometimes, but it's by invite. He's not allowed to make that decision on his own. And I just think that really helps continue to instill that there's leadership in the home and that I control the boundaries and, and keep him in a respectful headspace. But having your dog in your bed is fine if you don't have any real behavioral issues with him, especially separation issues. Okay? Alright, so that's for the average Joe, right? And then as far as like providing consequences for unwanted behaviors, it's just listen to the dog, guys.

Make sure you're using something they care about. Um, just because your dog is an average Joe personality-wise, that has zero bearing on how sensitive or insensitive they are to consequences. Completely unrelated, could go either way. Just listen to the dog, okay?

Alright. Um, but structure is always a positive when you're trying to train your dog and you're trying to build your relationship and build your relevance. So I do encourage that no matter what your dog is like, um, but you know, like I said, having your dog on the furniture, I don't think it's gonna cause you any real problems. Um, now what if your dog is sort of a softy and is sort of nervous and flighty and fearful? Um, anxious, okay, now we're getting into the territory where it's like, maybe you should do less of those things.

09:00 — Kati discusses two fearful sister dogs and attributes much of their insecurity to their…

So it doesn't mean you can't do them at all, but if you have a dog that tends to be really insecure or really nervous, that's a dog that is not going to benefit from being surrounded by softness all the time. And I, I can talk about this right now, <laugh> really well because, um, I have a couple of dogs that are going through my program who fall into this category, very nervous, very insecure, very flighty, um, but they will also move forward in the right situations.

And they have put holes in people. Um, but they're, these dogs are terrified of everything. And I can tell you just based on what I've seen so far, the vast majority of that is coming from lifestyle. Sure, there's probably a genetic component. These dogs are sisters too. So I'm not surprising that they both exhibit a lot of this stuff, but it's really clear that a lot of this is just coming from how they live. So it's just been nurtured and nurtured and built on and built on and gotten worse and worse. And the reason I know that with so much certainty is because of how immensely they improved.

And I can really only talk for one of them 'cause the other one just came in. Um, but the one I had for three weeks that just went home, um, improved immensely and really, really fast because she was a product of our environment, okay?

And these people are great. They're not being mean to their dogs, none of that, okay? These people are soft <laugh>. So, and I'm not picking on them. I've already had this conversation with them. They already know, they're fully aware of the mistakes that they've made and they're super committed. Um, and this dog has already gone back home and they're already doing an amazing job making changes and I'm really, really optimistic, um, and hopeful for them. I think things are gonna be a lot, lot better moving forward. Um, but it was a big topic of conversation.

Um, and they wanted to talk about it because they knew that they played a big role in this. Um, and they admitted it and they want my help changing <laugh>. So, but really, really soft, you know? And the woman is a, was a big snuggler and she kept telling me, look, I'm really, I have a hard time with this and you know, correcting a dog that's clearly nervous and I just want a snuggler.

And it really gets in your way, folks. You gotta understand that those are things we do for us, not for the dogs. So those snuggles are not helping the dog. They're not helping the dog one bit. They're making the dog worse. So if your dog is a nervous, fearful type, it's not that you can never snuggle. It's not that you can't give them affection, but man, you need to dial it back. You need to dial it back. And I've said this before and I'll say it again. It's just like if you're climbing Mount Everest, you don't want some softy with no real rules or boundaries who isn't really clear on what the policies are, who doesn't know what's going on, who isn't real confident all the time leading you up there.

You want the hard-ass leading you up there. You don't want the softie.

And if you have a dog that wakes up in the morning and everything looks like Mount Everest and all they have is the softie, they lose their shit. <laugh>, okay? They completely lose their marbles. They don't know what to do. They don't know what's happening. They don't know what they're supposed to be doing. It's like, who even am I? And what is the meaning of life, right? So obviously dogs can't think that. They're not humans, but I mean there's just too much freedom. Too many question marks, too much softness. They can't find their footing, they can't stabilize themselves.

13:00 — Kati recommends reducing constant touching and reassurance when nervous dogs whine or growl.

Everything's uncertain and everything is scary. Give your dogs some stable ground to stand on if that sounds like your dog. Okay, so what do I mean by that? I mean, just dial it back a little bit. Don't constantly touch your dog, especially if your dog is whining or growling or nervous. Do not touch that dog. <laugh>. Don't touch them. Don't talk to them except to disagree with it. So believe it or not, if your dog is whining or growling, you need to tell them no.

And if you have a means of giving them a little correction, then you should. Don't whine. There's nothing to whine about. Okay? Don't worry about it. There's nothing to worry about. Don't growl. You don't have to worry about that person. You have to tell your dog. You have to actually physically tell your dog they don't have to do that before they're gonna start trying some other stuff and realizing that they're okay. Counterintuitive. I know, I know it's counterintuitive to the human, but it's so important if your dog is gonna get into a better headspace.

And like I told you, this dog was in a better headspace right away. And the dog that just came in, which is her sister, um, she's only been here for a couple of days and it's already almost night and day. So she's still kind of nervous, but she's not growling. Her tail's not tucked. When we go out, she's already more confident because she's not getting constant touching, petting and reassurance and it's okay, it's okay. And let's go snuggle on the couch and let's avoid the scary strangers. And we don't do that.

We don't do that. So she doesn't like her kennel. She was scared of her kennel. Now she's going right in with no problem. We went and walked around a busy parking lot yesterday just to kind of see how she would handle that. And she really didn't do that bad. Now when she first came in, her hackles were up, she was trying to run away. She was growling at me. I wasn't sure I was gonna be able to get the slip lead on her after owners left. Um, I mean it was intense and I've already almost forgotten about that because she's so much better.

Not just with me because she's gotten used to me, but even when I take her new places, I don't see that behavior that I saw on day one. I don't see it at all. Lifestyle matters, guys. How you live with your dog, how you interact with your dog matters. So if you have a nervous, fearful, anxious dog, you need to dial back the affection a little bit. Use your crate, get them outta your bed for a little while, maybe not forever, but just for now. Help your dog stabilize. Help them find stable footing. Help them find self-security instead of codependence with you.

16:00 — Kati argues that fearful dogs need clear rules and consequences, rather than exemption from…

Okay? And just exude confidence. Stop reassuring them that things are okay. It's not okay to do that. And see if things don't start to turn around a little bit. Now I also wanna emphasize, it's just as important, it's actually probably more important for those dogs to have negative consequences. So people think if they correct a nervous dog, a fearful dog, that they're gonna make them worse, they're gonna make them more nervous, they're gonna make them more fearful. They're gonna make them scared of their handler. No. Nonsense. None of that's true. None of that's true. They need it more than anybody because they need the clarity so, so, so desperately and nobody will give it to them.

They need a clear path to walk that lays it out for them. And it says, hey, when you're uncomfortable, just walk this path with these rules. These really clear rules that do carry consequences if you break them. Follow this path with these rules and everything will be fine. And guess what happens? It's like magic. The dogs just come into their own. They're so much more confident 'cause they know, they have clarity. They know what to expect, they know what to do, they know they'll be fine because they've done it over and over again, right?

And it's awesome to see the transformation, but they need the negative consequences. If you withhold that, you're doing them a disservice. So they're not exempt from the rules of nature just because they're nervous dogs. And you do them a huge disservice when you say, well, we're only gonna give you half the information 'cause you're a nervous dog. You're keeping them there, okay? So if your dog growls at somebody, correct them. Tell them they don't have to do that. Teach your dog some obedience stuff to a high level of accountability and hold them accountable for it.

So walk in a heel. If you don't, there was a consequence. 'Cause then you can take that with you and leverage it, right? So now we go places where the dog is uncomfortable and I say, hey, just walk in a heel and everything will be cool. And they, oh, oh, I know that. I know how to do that. I know how to do that really well. And they do it. And now all of a sudden they're able to not worry about all this stuff in the environment that used to be so scary. And the next thing you know, it just becomes natural to be around the stuff in the environment and they don't care 'cause they've done it so many times and they've had that heel as an anchor.

But without the rules, boundaries, consequences associated with it, it does not work.

So you gotta provide clarity and both the positive and negative consequences no matter what. Even if the dog is nervous, especially if the dog is nervous. Okay, what if your dog is pushy or aggressive? Really reactive, snotty. Um, if your dog is way at that end of the spectrum, then that's also probably a dog you don't really want in your bed a ton right now, right? So I would say if your dog is extreme, get them outta your bed and off your furniture for a little while. Again, not necessarily forever, but for now while you try to get them into a different headspace, get them going through the world a little bit differently, making some better choices.

19:00 — Kati recommends temporarily removing bed and furniture access for dogs that bite their owners.

Um, but you know, if it's not extreme, you know, if you have a dog that's like biting you and you're their owner, then I would say definitely keep them out of your bed and off the furniture for now.

Um, but if you have a dog that's just kind of nasty sometimes with other dogs or strangers, like I would at least say, you know, and obviously you need to address that stuff directly and with <laugh> with an intensity, you need to go after it. You need to be very clear that those behaviors are not okay. Um, but just talking about furniture rights, like I would at least make it by invite, right? Because you have a dog that's very forward in nature, is too big for their britches, is pushy, especially if they do have any pushy behaviors with you around the house, if they demand things, that sort of thing.

Like make it by invite. And that's really my favorite place to settle with most dogs, um, is, you know, bed's fine, the furniture's fine, but it's by invite. So, 'cause I like everything to be that way anyway. I like the humans to be making the decisions. I don't like to mix that up and leave the dog kind of confused about who's in charge and, you know, who's making the rules and the decisions. It's like, let's just keep things clear no matter what your dog is like.

And just by invite, right? So you get on when I ask you to and we can snuggle and that's cool and you get on when I tell you to. And if I don't invite you up here, then don't come up here. There's a consequence if you do, right? So by invite really is probably the best place to settle for most people. But if you have a dog that's really extreme in some way, really pushy, snotty, okay, or really, really nervous.

Separation stuff, especially those dogs need a lot less softness and a lot less privilege. Um, at least for now until you start getting better stuff and then, you know, filter that stuff back in. Don't do it all at once, but brief periods with a little more of that softness, fine. Filter in a few minutes on the couch, filter in, you know, some snuggle sessions. Um, but don't do it all at once. Bring it back slowly. So, and I know because my clients will tell me, especially the separation anxiety cases, they're like, withdrew it. We were doing good, we were doing really well.

And then I got down on the floor and I just snuggled him up and, you know, we cuddled for a half an hour and that, that evening or the next day when I went out, it was a disaster and we went, took 10 steps back. These things are tied together and I think that's really what I wanna get across here, guys. It's like, it's not that you can't do it, it's just that you have to look at the big picture. Who is your dog? What are the things they struggle with? Because your lifestyle with your dog might be contributing to that.

Okay? Your dog might be a dog right now that needs less freedom and less softness.

Or they might not be. Like I said, if you have an average Joe, then you might not need to think too much about this. You might wanna think about the freedom in the sense that giving your dog too much freedom can just make it harder to get them tuned in, paying attention, get their behaviors reliable. Um, but from a behavioral standpoint, it's probably not a big deal. Um, but that's it. That's it. Submit your questions. If you want to, uh, send me an email, visit my social media, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, uh, visit my website www.diamondcanine.com.

C-A-N-I-N-E. Uh, most of the social media is Diamond K9, the letter K and number nine. And that's it, guys. Don't forget to hit subscribe so that we can do this again real soon. And I will see you guys on the next one.