Your Dog Is Anxious Or Nervous? So What?! Quiet Your Emotions And Finally Help Your Dog

00:00 — Kati Peppe opens Off Leash and Unfiltered with a trigger warning and asks listeners…

Welcome to Off Leash and Unfiltered. Trigger warning. I'm Kati Peppe, delivering the truth in dog training.

Hey everybody, this is your host, Kati Peppe. Before we jump in, I just wanted to take a quick second and remind you to hit the subscribe button because that helps us so, so, so much. We appreciate every subscribe and follow, and we have so much valuable information we wanna share with you. So we don't want you to miss an episode. Without further ado, let's jump in. Hey everyone, thanks for joining me today. Finally, back with another episode of Off Leash and Unfiltered for you guys. Um, last month was a doozy, man. We were so busy.

And on top of that, of course, we had a holiday weekend, Memorial Day weekend. I hope everyone had a great, safe weekend. Um, and Joyce left me for two weeks to go to Greece, and let's talk about that <laugh> because, um, that was a lot of fun. Yeah. Um, man, it was, it was hard not having Joyce around, um, to help, not just with the dogs and all that general training and maintenance, but just, um, having someone else here to like, bounce stuff off from and, uh, you know, kind of vent with and talk to and all, all those things.

It was, um, it was like the old days pre-Joyce, and I don't wanna go back to those days, <laugh>, so I'm glad she's back. She just came back yesterday. Um, of course she's sick because she was traveling, and I don't think anybody travels without getting sick, but nothing terrible. She has a little cold, um, and we're glad to have her back. But anyways, here we are trying to get things back on track and, um, you know, one of the things that I spent a lot of time kind of ruminating on while she was gone, um, some of the, you know, because I am, I'm here alone dealing with the client interactions, um, as well as the dogs obviously.

And one of the recurring things that I really got a chance to think about and address and talk to people about was, um, the emotional side of dog training and sort of the mistakes we make, not just humanizing the dog, but the stories we invent in our head, the things that get in our way, and kind of thinking about how that plays out behind their closed doors, right?

Because we're not there, um, we only know what they tell us. So when they, someone reaches out and sends me an email or a text message and, um, or even during a private lesson, like they tell me the things that that's happening. Like I don't actually see everything that's playing out behind closed doors. And, but, you know, I have an idea <laugh>, and we can talk about like, why, because that, that is a big, guys, the reason board-and-train is so much more successful a lot of the time than private lessons is not just because we're dog trainers.

Yes, that's part of it. We're a lot more skilled and experienced. Um, that is obviously a, a big piece of it. But I honestly believe just as big of a piece of that is just the human condition, man. It's like people humanize their dogs, they apply emotions to their dogs, they invent stories in their heads about how their dog is feeling, why they're feeling that way and what's going to happen.

04:00 — Kati describes owners predicting negative outcomes and letting fear drive their training decisions.

So they also start predicting the future, right? And they let fear motivate them and they let them motivate it in the wrong way, right? Because you could say, well, I'm worried that this is happening to my dog or that my dog feels that way, or that my dog's going to end up doing this. Um, but what they don't do is they don't use that fear to motivate them in the other direction, which is like, what, how, how have things been for the past, you know, one year, five years, however long it's been for that particular person?

And what happens if I don't trust, if I don't take the leap of faith, if I don't do these things, if I don't do something different than what I've been doing? Um, and I think it's so important to have that when you're, when you're trying really hard, and I think a lot of people are when they do these programs.

Like you get someone that comes to us who hasn't, they've been working with their dog for years and they haven't had the success that they want. They're clearly stepping outside of their comfort zone here. That's why they haven't done it for two years, four years, six years, however long it's been. And now they're going, okay, like, we're gonna do this. And so obviously it's outside of their comfort zone if they waited, you know, two years or, or five years, whatever to do it. And I applaud that a hundred percent. But I definitely see people teetering on the edge of retreating to their, their safe place in their comfort zone.

And, you know, I'm kind of talking about sort of fringe cases where people have really anxious, uncomfortable dogs already. Um, or maybe people are dealing with a lot of their own anxiety, uh, from day to day.

But I think even for folks that have some of the easier dogs, like this is a great episode for you to listen to. Um, because everybody has their moments, almost everybody. Um, so even folks that really aren't struggling with things, even dogs that really aren't struggling with things, there are moments where things happen. We make mistakes, um, or our dog surprises us, and we have that moment of like, am I screwing things up? Um, so, uh, listen to the end because, uh, toward the end here, I'm gonna give you the three critical things, um, that I think need to happen when you are having difficulty with your dog or with the training or with doing the hard work, but also even if you just have like a moment with your dog.

Um, three things that I think get you through that in the most productive way and keep you guys on the right track. Uh, but so let me give you some examples of what we see, what we hear, um, and what we, what we tell people to do.

07:00 — A case example centers on a dog with longstanding anxiety, nervousness, and uncertainty.

You've had a dog for months, for years, okay? This dog is dealing with a behavioral issue in this specific example. It's pretty serious. Anxiety slash nervousness. Not really a fearful dog, but definitely nervy and unsure and very anxious, okay? Here's an interesting phenomenon that we see play out. I'm not gonna say all the time, but it's not uncommon. Dog is described to us as having suffered with severe anxiety and nervousness for years. Dog comes to first private lesson. These people often do private lessons because they're too anxious and insecure and nervous about sending their dog to a board-and-train, okay?

I'm not saying anybody is obligated to do a board-and-train, but that is one valid piece of information to have about the owner and therefore the environment in which the dog lives, right? So right away, we know person's on the nervous side, potentially person's on the anxious side, potentially, potentially person overprotects dog, potentially, right? Again, some people just wanna do private lessons. Okay, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Um, but it's worth considering that this could indicate person's really uncomfortable dealing with the dog's behaviors, um, in the way that they need to be dealt with.

Uh, so dog does first private lesson with us. Everything goes amazing. Like it's very clear during the lesson that this dog could be a thousand times better than they are. So it becomes clear. And I mean, you know, when you know you've worked with enough dogs, it becomes clear that this dog's anxiety, nervousness, insecurity—and it's there. I'm not denying that it's there, but the genetic factor is somewhat low. There's always a genetic factor, okay? It's there, but a good part of this is learned and nurtured. It becomes clear by the end of the lesson.

10:00 — The nervous dog begins relaxing, responds to commands, learns at a normal pace, and…

Dog does very well during the lesson. Starts out extremely nervous; by the end of it is starting to relax and loosen up. Um, throughout the lesson, they were responding to commands. They were clearly learning on a normal timeline. It wasn't taking them a lot longer. They were accepting food, which is huge.

'Cause a lot of really anxious or fearful dogs, they, they will not take food. Um, and so lesson goes swimmingly. Uh, dog is operating, is feeling the e-collar on a very, very, very low level. Um, they're responding really, really well. They're clearly learning. They're taking food. All these things are happening just the way that we would ideally hope. And it doesn't work like that for all dogs. Some dogs are more challenging, some dogs have a harder time. Uh, not because of quote unquote the type of training we're doing. Guys, that's not the problem. The problem is the dog has a problem, right?

So the environment in that case is not the problem. The training is not the problem, right? It's like if you have a dog that can't tolerate seeing another dog or seeing bicycles or, you know, pick whatever you want. The problem isn't the other dog.

The problem isn't that there's bicycles. The problem is your dog is a problem, okay? So even if a dog comes in here and they struggle with the training and they're nervous and they're trying to run away, or they're shut down, okay? And you hear that term all the time, which is kind of a bullshit term most of the time, okay? But even if those things are kind of happening and we just work the dog through it, guys, it's not the end of the world. The problem isn't the training, okay? And I'm not saying it's never the training.

I'm talking about us here and what we do. I can't speak for anybody else, but I can say the problem isn't the training that we're doing. The problem isn't the tools that we're using; those things are not the problem. The dog has a problem and our job is to get 'em over that.

Okay? So, but anyways, a lot of the time, the specific example included that I have in mind, that does amazing during the lesson. Owners did amazing during the lesson. We send everybody home, uh, with specific instructions about tweaks they need to make to their lifestyle for now, the way they live with their dog, the way they interact with their dog, you know, more crate time, more structure, all that stuff I talk about all the time. Um, practice the e-collar training with them, just getting them conditioned. This is super light, fluffy, easy stuff, guys. Um, you know, a couple times a day till we see you again. The next day:

13:00 — Kati challenges owners’ emotional reactions when dogs resist leaving kennels or appear afraid of…

My dog is too scared to come out of their kennel. My dog is afraid of the collar, right? And sometimes the person is in tears. And I don't mean to sound callous here, but so what, okay? So it, it might be that you should ask you if you ever found yourself in a situation like that. It might be that you should look in the mirror and say, am I responsible for making my dog this way? Right? They were born this way to a degree. Like I said, the genetics are in there, the proclivity's there. But have I inadvertently bubble-wrapped my dog and caused them to atrophy?

Have I made them worse? Have I prevented them from becoming stronger and braver and frankly just normal <laugh>?

Because it makes me so uncomfortable to see my dog deal with any discomfort. And the answer absolutely unequivocally in most of these cases is yes. And I'm not here to pick on my clients because my clients are amazing. But they're human <laugh>. They're human. And like I said, they're here now because they're ready to receive the information. That doesn't mean that it all goes without a hitch <laugh>, but I applaud them for finally going, it's time to take the step doing it. The sad thing is, and I've said this in my phone consultations before, 'cause I hear this a lot, the sad thing is that we're often the last stop, right?

Dogs have already suffered for years before people come to us. They've tried quote-unquote everything, right? We're the last ditch resort. We're the last attempt, we're the last try. Sometimes we're the last try before they get rid of their dog or put their dog down. Um, but in this case, I think that's, that's not the case. We're just, we're the last thing they haven't tried, right? Because it just made them so uncomfortable to try something that wasn't all light, fluffy, unicorns and cupcakes and Milk-Bones, right? We're not mean. We're not, it's, it's not, we're not doing anything bad.

16:00 — Kati explains that trainers often work through owners’ emotional obstacles alongside dogs’ behavioral problems.

But it makes the humans, because frankly, a lot of times the humans are dealing with humans stuff upstairs, right? Uh, it makes them really uncomfortable to do anything else.

And so we're often, what people miss about our jobs is we're <laugh>. We're often working not just the dogs through their stuff, but also the humans through their stuff. And so we'll often get a call the next day or a few days in or something like that, right? But it's, it's not long, explaining all these terrible things that they're seeing with their dog and all these things they're worried about. The dog is scared, is a common one. Dog doesn't wanna come out of the kennel. It's a common one. The dog, um, is running away from me, or the dog doesn't want me to put the collar on.

Um, what else? I don't know. Dog is depressed, dog is sad, dog is moping. Like those are common.

Um, and of course, all of the idiots on the other side of the fence are yelling. That's because blah, blah, blah. You're mean, you're damaging the dog. You're ruining the dog. You're harming the dog, you're harming your relationship, you're hurting the dog. There's absolutely no need for aversives, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, the funny fucking thing about it is, most of the time at this point in time when people are calling me, we haven't even used anything aversive. Just putting an e-collar on a dog, guys, is not aversive. Just putting, putting a prong collar on a dog is not aversive.

You can use them in a way that is aversive. And yes, we do, but most of the time, in the first few days of training for a lot of these dogs, there hasn't even been anything aversive yet. This dog that I have in mind right now was working on a two. A two.

Most dogs don't show any sign that they even notice a two. And the dog was perfectly happy the entire lesson and taking food. And whether or not that's the case, usually a two is not, two is not aversive, okay? It's incredibly gentle. So when someone the next day goes, my dog is scared, I have a hard time not just saying, so what? Like, you can make up a million stories in your mind about what's happening and why. And that is absolutely what people do because that's just the way our brains are wired. And we invent all these emotional stories often about like what we are doing wrong and how we are responsible for this clear, clearly bad emotional state our dog is in.

19:00 — Kati describes board-and-train dogs that show little interest in training or resist working.

Um, and so let me tell you, 'cause right there is a major fork in the road. And so let me tell you, when I have dogs for board-and-train, sometimes we have dogs that are really disinterested in the training.

We have dogs that hate doing the training. They just don't wanna work. They don't wanna engage with people. They don't wanna do what they're told. They're independent. Maybe they're spoiled, maybe they're pushy, right? There's a million different things they could be. But sometimes we get dogs, they don't wanna come out their kennel. And guess what? It just doesn't fucking matter. It's just not a thing that matters. I pay approximately zero fucking attention to that if the dog is in the back of their kennel. Let's, and this never happens, but let's just say the dog swooshes himself into the back of the kennel and is shaking clearly with fear.

Do you know how I would respond to that?

I would put a slip lead on the dog. The only reason it's not a leash and prong is 'cause I'm not gonna climb into the kennel with the dog and like try to do that, right? So we would just throw a slip lead over them. Um, but I'd get a leash on the dog and they'd come out and we'd go to work like normal. And do you know what would happen? They'd just start working with me. They'd be fine. And probably within a few days they just wouldn't do that anymore. So you get to choose when that happens, right?

You can't control your dog a hundred percent. You can't control if they feel a certain way. You can't control if they respond a certain way. You can work to change it over time, right? But in the moment, if your dog makes a choice, they make a choice, right? Or whether or not you even wanna call it a choice, right? Whatever happens, happens. All you can control is how you respond to it, which will absolutely affect your outcome.

And if you see that and you go right to your feelings, your emotions, and you invent stories and you trigger all of your brain's fear responses, um, then you just fail. You just don't go anywhere, um, because you can't <laugh>, right? So you're just allowing yourself to be paralyzed by fear and, in turn, allowing your dog to do the same thing, or even encouraging them to do the same thing, right? By avoiding everything that makes a dog uncomfortable, you're teaching them that it should make them uncomfortable. You're not teaching them anything different. So that's the idea, is teach your dog something different, right?

If something makes them uncomfortable, let's just go show them that it doesn't have to be so uncomfortable. Let's stop making such a big deal out of everything.

And I've never had a dog leave a board-and-train worse than when they came in, guys, ever, ever. Yes, they're all different. Some dogs struggle more than others. Every dog that has left my board-and-train programs has left better. Not a hundred percent better. I'm not saying they're perfect. Again, every dog is different. Genetic components are different. Learning experiences are different. Age is different. Their ability to learn and inhibit behavior is different. Everything's different from dog to dog. But I, I can genuinely say I have never had an anxious dog, a fearful dog, an aggressive dog, nothing come in and leave worse than they were. Never.

That's a pretty good track record. I think I know what I'm talking about.

So if you know that your tendency is to be emotional, right? And emotions aren't bad, guys. They serve a purpose, but a lot of times they're not appropriate and don't serve us well. So your feelings are basically there as just the most primitive way to keep you alive and safe and the people you love alive and safe. But sometimes you have to override those emotions with logic. You have to be able to evaluate a situation and say, am I just being motivated by feelings, by fear? And if so, I'm gonna ask myself to look at the information that I, I have that I know to be true.

24:00 — Kati encourages choosing actions based on reasoning rather than being controlled by emotions.

And I'm going to make a choice not to be controlled by the emotions, but to do what I logically think is actually the right thing to do. So in a case like this, I think you have to say, okay, my dog looks to me, from my human perspective, looks afraid, but I can genuinely say nothing bad is happening. My dog's not unsafe. So even if my dog does think they are, I know as a human who's smarter than the dog, I know that they're not unsafe. I know that my dog is safe. I know nothing bad is happening.

I know nothing bad happened yesterday, and I know nothing bad is happening right now. So you can choose to go with that, which is a fact. Or you can choose to act on the emotion of my dog looks afraid. And that is going to dictate your results. It absolutely is. And the hardest part of our job is not the dogs, right? If that, if a dog like that is with me, we just put the leash on, they come out, we go to work and it, it's nothing. It's not a thing. But here's the thing, I don't even mention it to the owners most of the time because why would I? If I do, it's gonna be, oh my God, I gotta come pick her up.

I gotta take her back.

They freak out. There's no benefit to me telling somebody, oh, your dog looked like she was afraid to come outta the kennel this morning. Nope. We put the leash on, the dog comes out, we go to work, everything's great. The training usually goes well. And that's what I choose to talk about most of the time, <laugh>. So, but when people are at home, they don't get that luxury. They have to do it themselves. Um, and so, you know, and most dogs, this doesn't even happen with, guys, but so if you have a dog who home who's looks mopey or you're look scared or any of those things, now that becomes this whole big piece we have to overcome.

Um, and in a board-and-train, you don't, you don't have to deal with that, right? 'Cause we deal with it and it's just not a problem. And it's not because we don't care and it's not because we're mean, it's because it's just not a thing. And we know from thousands of dogs, we just need, we just need to keep going, right? This is just life, right? The world is not gonna adapt for your dog. Your dog needs to adapt to the world and avoid, avoid, avoid is not how that's done.

28:00 — Kati suggests changed household routines unsettled the case-study dog and describes that discomfort as…

And if you're interested at all in my guess as to what was happening and what they were seeing, they were living with their dog differently, which I think threw their dog for a loop. And that's good. That's not a bad thing. And that discomfort will pass. Um, but usually, like most people, the dog is just usually running free around the house, right? When they're home, the dog's loose. They're doing whatever they want. They're jumping on the furniture, they're getting all kinds of affection. Like everything's crazy and, and freedom and softness. And this was a little different.

This is like, we're gonna do work and then you're gonna be contained and then we're gonna do work and then you're gonna be contained.

This was, you're not gonna sleep in the bed with me anymore for now, right? 'Cause we have a super anxious dog and we need to build them up. We need to build coping skills. We need to build strength from within. That doesn't come from allowing neediness, it doesn't come from constant cuddling and cuddling. It comes from you're okay being alone. You can do it. Right? So they have to do a little bit of that work right now. And I think the dog was like, God, who are you? Where are my owners? What is going on?

What fresh hell is this? What's going on? Um, but no big deal unless you make it a big deal. But unfortunately, that's what humans do. They, they make it a big deal.

And we always say like a calm dog gets mistaken for a sad dog, guys, all the time. 'Cause people are just accustomed to seeing the dog running around like a lunatic all the time, right? And we interpret that as happy. So the dog's running around, tails flying, tongues flying, ears are up, eyes are big. Um, just, you know, running around being crazy. And if they lay down, especially if, God forbid, you told them to, um, big meanie <laugh>, if they lay down and they're just calm and those eyes are nice and soft and the body is soft and the tail is low, like maybe they even rest their head on the ground.

Now the dog becomes quote unquote depressed. That's not a depressed dog, guys.

It's a calm, relaxed dog who most likely can snap right outta that and into excitement the moment you say it's time. And that's fine, right? And so if you feel a little bit like, oh, my dog looks deflated, like, then go do something fun. Go throw the ball around or go do an easy training exercise and use some food, whatever you want. Play tug. You know, go for a walk, go swimming, whatever the thing is you like to do with your dog, throw the Frisbee, do the agility, right? But just 'cause your dog isn't acting like a lunatic in the house on free time, just because they're nice and calm and relaxed, that does not qualify as sad or depressed.

But those are the sorts of things we have to work people through all the time. And a lot of people, we don't get them worked through it. And that's fine. Everybody can live with their dogs how they want to, right? But the recipe is, the recipe is the recipe. And there's really just no substitute for having done this with hundreds and hundreds or thousands of dogs. That's where I would put my money is on that experience, <laugh>. Um, but so don't make it a thing, guys. Whatever it is your dog does, the best thing you can do is just not make it a thing.

32:00 — Kati recommends combining observations of the dog with known facts before deciding whether adjustments…

So I'm not paying, I'm not saying pay zero attention, right? We're always watching the dog and observing the dog, but we're combining that information with what we know to be true, with what we know is happening, okay?

And then we can make adjustments if we need to make adjustments. So an example would be if I have a dog that normally responds to a 10, okay? If I ask them to do something, they don't do it, and I tap at a 10, they normally very, um, confidently spin around, do the thing I ask them to do. And there's no fuss, there's no big deal. That ballpark is generally perfect for them in low to moderate distraction. But then when they see their owner or they see a squirrel and their ears go up and I tap at that 10 and they go, woo, okay, well here's the thing that I feel in that moment.

I feel like I was too high. And, and I'm not talking about me, I'm talking about humans in general, right? They'll feel like they were too high. They'll feel like they hurt their dog. They'll feel guilty, they'll feel like their dog is going to be afraid now. So fear, negativity, worry, pessimism, guilt, all these things. And they'll completely ignore what they know to be true, which is that they use that level all the time. And the dog responds just fine. That piece of information goes right out the fucking window. And everything's emotion, feeling, emotion, feeling, emotion, feeling.

So again, I'm not saying disregard all that entirely. Serves a purpose, but you can't discount the facts.

So you have, if you're going to be effective at overcoming behavioral obstacles with your dog, you have be capable of doing this. There, there is no other way to do it. And so I often say it's a journey for both the human and the dog because a lot of times it just is. A lot of times the bigger piece to the puzzle and the harder thing to solve is getting the person comfortable with doing the work. 'Cause if it was as easy, guys, as just throwing a biscuit at the dog, nobody would be here. Nobody would come here, nobody would pay us what they're paying us.

Probably nobody would put these collars on their dog, right? These big awful shock collars, which by the way are not awful. They're amazing. And they do a million different things, right? But everybody again has the emotional, oh, it's mean. Oh, it's a person. Oh, it's scary. Oh, it's harmful.

And totally dismiss the idea that we've trained a thousand dogs, big and small, well-behaved, poorly behaved, anxious, fearful, excitable, normal, and they come out better on the other end. That all poop down the toilet doesn't matter. So, and I'm not here to make this a, a bitch fest about human emotions, <laugh>, that's not, wasn't my goal. But the struggle is real. So all this to tell you in any moment with your dog, whether it's in the house, it's in the kennel, it's outside, it's on a walk, it's in easy situation, it's in a challenging situation.

36:00 — When concern or pity arises during training, Kati advises pausing to reconsider the facts.

It's on a slip lead, it's on an e-collar. It does not matter in any situation with your dog where you encounter something that triggers your emotion and you feel for a moment concern or pity for your dog, make sure you pump the brakes and remember the facts, whatever those might be.

And maybe we do need to make some kind of an adjustment just as a side note, like maybe we, like, there are situations where maybe we are not doing things quite the way we should, right? There have been situations where I freak the dog out with an e-collar 'cause I'm a little too high. Maybe it needs to be turned down, right? There are situations where, um, maybe there are lots of other dogs around and this dog is just too overwhelmed by that right now. We can dial it back, right? So again, it's not completely ignore everything you see, that's not what I'm saying.

But if your dog is just in a normal everyday situation, they have to learn to tolerate that because that's not gonna change for them. Okay? Going into your kennel at night, coming out in the morning, that's just fucking life. You have to do that. And nothing bad is happening. So I'm not going to wallow in pity for you and nurture that and enable that. That is a mistake. And ultimately, really it's selfish. We do that for us because our poor hearts can't handle seeing the dog uncomfortable, which I get. But again, you, you're discounting facts and we can't do that.

Um, so we just don't make it a thing. That's how we handle that, guys. It's like, it's just not, not a thing. Leash on the dog, they come out, right? I have dogs come in here all the time that people say things like they're afraid of traffic, they're afraid of cars, they're afraid of noises. Okay? Leash and prong on the dog, very short leash, and we go walk by all the traffic in the world. And that's it. Like that's how we fix that. Yeah, there's probably some leash handling skills involved depending on how bad the dog is, right?

If they're trying to flee the whole time, we need to try to snap them outta that with leash handling.

But we don't fix that by going, oh my God, the dog is so scared, we can't go near cars. That's not going to fix it. It's not going to improve it. It's not going to show them how to do something different. It's not going to teach them things are fine. We are going to be totally cool as a cucumber and we're just gonna go walk by the things that are scary. And no, we don't need to thread the needle right away. If it's that bad, we can work up to that. Sometimes we do, sometimes we just go right for it because we can.

Usually, it's not that hard.

It's just a matter of, sorry buddy, this is reality and we're just gonna go deal with it. And guess what? They come out on the other side and they go, oh, I guess I didn't have to try to run away. After all, I'm still alive, right? But every time you allow your dog to retreat because they're uncomfortable, right? And this might be mild anxiety or intense fear, every time they retreat successfully, it strengthens the discomfort. And that's also a fact, right? Because neurologically, every time we take that path, and from our perspective, it works or it feels good, we feel relief, it becomes stronger and stronger and stronger.

41:00 — Kati rejects quick fixes and emphasizes doing the work even when emotions make it…

So you're going backwards if you allow your dog to do that.

There is no magic pill, guys, there's no magic wand, there's no fairy dust. You gotta do the work. And the work is, we feel our feelings, but we do what we know is right to do or what we think is right to do, right? Because you might have a period of time where you're not sure. There's an element of trust here. Um, and that's it. So three things, one of which we've already talked about at great length, which is when you see something that triggers an emotion, you feel the feelings, but you, you pump the brakes and you look at what's really happening and you do the hard work based on facts, not feelings, to give it a chance, right?

If you're not sure, you gotta give it a chance, especially if you've already been struggling for years, you don't have any other options, you don't have any more time.

And if you don't stick with something, if you waver, if you flip-flop, if you go back and forth, you're inconsistent. You don't get anywhere that way either. So you have to be all in and stick with it and actually try. So you can set yourself a deadline. You can say, okay, if we do this for 30 days, or maybe it's even 10 days, right? I wouldn't wanna say anything shorter than that, just because people aren't dog trainers and it takes them a little longer to get results, right? We'll see them the next day, <laugh>, right?

In a few days, in a week, we'll have a different dog. But you know, folks at home, like give yourself at least seven to 10 days where you fight your internal emotions to retreat yourself and not do the hard stuff. You gotta give it a chance.

Number three, and this is kind of something different that I haven't, I don't think I've ever mentioned something like this before. Um, but when <laugh>, when your bigger obstacle is actually yourself, right? Not your dog and not your dog's behavior, but it's actually overcoming your own, um, your own resistance. If you're having a hard time either with the training or with the lifestyle changes that you're having to do, all the structure, things like that, you, you gotta do it. You gotta stick with it. Um, but you can inject something that helps without undoing all your hard work.

So what I mean by that is I'm not a huge fan of like have a little cuddle fest or even going for a nice walk because I feel like there need to be rules and boundaries around the walk. And so that's gonna be, that's not gonna help you <laugh>. Um, a cuddle fest can really send a lot of dogs backwards. So I don't recommend a ton of that either. But all dogs need to eat. And so food, as long as it comes at the right time, isn't so bad. So get something really special that your dog would really love to eat.

And humans can relate to this because we, we love, I, I know I do. I was in Market Basket yesterday and they got me with the cannolis, guys. <laugh>

We love our food. Um, dogs do too. Get your dog something really special. Make him some bacon. Get a, a steak. You don't have to cook it. I feed my dog a raw steak. But if your dog's not used to that, maybe you cook it, whatever, but not all the time, right? But at the end of the day or after a training session that you felt was difficult or whenever is appropriate, go, okay, I'm gonna ask you to do something really simple, like sit or go into your kennel or whatever it is, and then I'm gonna reward you with something ridiculous like an ice cream cone or a steak, right?

46:00 — Kati endorses occasional activities that help owners feel their dogs had a great time,…

And if that helps you feel like my dog had an awesome time, or my dog had a great day, or like my dog now sees me as like Disney World, then do it. That's not gonna hurt anything, right?

Don't do it all the time, right? And notice I did say ask them for something, right? So they still have to do something, right? But it's something ridiculously easy, right? And just save it. Don't do it when your dog's being an asshole <laugh>. And don't do it when your dog is super struggling with something, right? So if your dog is crouched into the back of the kennel, like I don't wanna come out. That's not the time we do it. You gotta do the work first, right? You don't wanna bribe your dog out with a steak.

You gotta do the work first. And the, the hard work is I'm gonna choose not to cave to my emotions. I'm gonna choose not to create a story about why my dog is doing this. I'm gonna put a leash on 'em, I'm gonna take 'em out, we're gonna go do some work. And then not only am I gonna get to see, hey, things are actually okay, my dog gets to see that, hey, things are okay. But now that we've done, we're done, things have gone pretty well, I'm gonna give my dog this awesome reward. I'm gonna ask him to do something stupid simple and give them something amazing.

And we're gonna call it a day, right? Or we're gonna call it a session. It's over. Um, great. Do that. I think that's a good idea. It gives you both something to look forward to, you know, especially if you set a pattern and like this is something we're gonna do after our second lesson of the day or at the end of the day, or when, whenever you choose, right? As long as nothing's happening that we shouldn't be rewarding and reinforcing. Um, as long as we're not bribing, things like that, um, it's not a bad idea.

And that's it, guys. Those are my three things, um, that I think you should implement if your dog is resistant at all. If your dog's fighting you on it, if you're dealing with the human emotions, if you're dealing with uncertainty, um, if you think your dog is sad, like chances are you're way, way over-humanizing your dog and blowing things out of proportion, um, and your dog can't even think the things that you feel like they're thinking 'cause they just don't <laugh>, they usually just don't have that ability. Um, yeah, some dogs are not into doing the work and they don't wanna come out and they don't wanna do the work.

And so what, I mean, my kid doesn't wanna go to school, right? But guess what? We get up and we go and it's fine.

Um, and if you have good attendance, you, you get a reward. Like, that's how that works. And your dog's really not that different, right? Although it's okay to humanize your child, but not a lot. We can do that a little bit <laugh>. All right, guys, thanks for joining me today. Until next time, train your dogs. Have fun, keep it real. Don't get overemotional. And, uh, yeah, I hope this helped. Hey, guys, thanks for joining us today. I really hope you enjoyed the show. If there's a specific topic you'd like to hear discussed, you can send that to me directly via email or fan mail.

50:00 — Kati directs listeners to the show notes for information and thanks them for supporting…

Just jump down into the show notes. That information will be there for you. I really look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for supporting the show and I look forward to next time.